Sunday 4 December 2016

Kevin Myers: Fifty shades of grey was really the weather forecast

Published 14/09/2012 | 17:00

SO that was it: that was the summer, when the popular myth was that fifty shades of grey was an erotic best-seller. It wasn't. It was the weather forecast. We feared the worst when a few hot days arrived in March, and by God, we were right to, as this autumn's fruit has proved.

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I have an apple tree in my garden. It is well named: for it has an apple on it. Just one single solitary apple, of the kind that unleashed such misery on the world. Only this summer Eve would either have died of exposure, or perhaps gone blind from reading 'Fifty Shades of Grey', and then got lost. Either way, she wouldn't have made it through the summer. I damn well nearly didn't.

It's not just us. The British had their wettest summer since 1912 (so much for the folklore of the golden summers before the Great War), and the temperature dropped to below freezing in the highlands of Scotland on the last day of August.

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