Sunday 28 May 2017

Kevin Myers: An Bord Pleanala's nonsensical philosophy is a recipe for poverty

Kevin Myers

SO yes, following An Bord Pleanala proposals that the Corrib pipeline should best be laid in the expectation of an explosion, we should henceforth always prepare for the worst.

The first step is for Shell to make the Corrib gas totally non-flammable, even if held to an oxy-acetylene flame. The next step is to ensure that the gas is stored at atmospheric pressure, and is pumped ashore by renewable energy sources: donkeys and mules would be ideal. We could import hundreds of the beasts from Tunisia, and do wonders for our tourist industry by reviving the donkey-in-the-bog image so beloved of the John Hinde postcards.

These donkeys could work benign treadmills, working to strictly union rules, with breaks every two hours. Donkeys produce methane, which will probably destroy the planet in days, so we will have to stick tubes into their bottoms, and funnel the gas into special carbon-neutral, heat-free, non-global warming methane-destruction plants, which themselves will be driven electrically.

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