It's time for a pontiff to adopt an Irish name: Pope Kevin I
Published 12/02/2013 | 17:00
Popes don't have sex-change operations, they don't enter civil partnerships with witch-doctors from Haiti, they don't become skippers of nuclear submarines, they don't do porn videos with some nude Sisters of Mercy, and they don't resign.
This has been a central and defining truth of the Vatican. More than marriage itself, the Papacy is for life: for better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do you part . . .
Madness is no obstacle to a continued tenancy of the Vatican. It is said Pius XII, who reigned from 1939 to 1958, took monkey glands to reverse the ageing process, which they certainly did; they apparently made him as permanently tumescent as a demented teenager.