News Ivan Yates

Friday 9 December 2016

Brace yourself for spooks aplenty in the 'Nightmare on Kildare Street' frightfest

Published 29/10/2015 | 02:30

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I have just been inspired. If Panti Bliss and Conor Horgan can make a feature film 'Queen of Ireland' from docu-drama material of real-life political events, I can surely pen my film script. 'House of Horrors' will set out to capture the likely shenanigans in the next Leinster House with the formation of a Cabinet. Obviously, the onset of Hallowe'en has informed my thinking. Unfortunately, the leading figures at my disposal won't make for an epic Hollywood blockbuster with Warner Brothers - I'll set my sights instead on a tragi-comedy and a more humble pitch to the Irish Film Board.

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The opening scene: Enda emerges from the Áras (Michael D has dutifully returned from another foreign sojourn). Enda has finessed his 'five-point plan' down to a three-point agenda of 'stability, stability, stability'.

He recalls recent nightmares from which we escaped, due in no small part to his heroics. "One Friday night, ESB bosses rang to warn the lights could all go out, there was no money in the meter."

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