Oy Vey! Fancy punching a Jew today?
Published 20/08/2014 | 00:00
Right, that's it. I've had enough. I'm sickened by open images of terrorists. I'm appalled by the fact that they are wantonly exhorting kids to become suicide bombers. I'm sick of the way the foreign media have been threatened or expelled for simply posting the truth about rockets being launched from school yards.
Yes, I'm talking about Hamas, which has somehow managed to find itself swathed in a blanket of radical chic, despite the fact that they are murderous savages who see the deaths of their own children as a PR coup.
So here's my suggestion. If you are lucky enough to know or work with a Palestinian, punch him right on the nose tomorrow.
Actually, that's not broad enough, so allow me to expand a little: If you are lucky enough to know or work with an Arab, punch him right on the nose tomorrow.
How do you like them apples?
Obviously, for those who are hard of thinking, that was a joke. I am not, as it happens, encouraging any of you to go out there and punch anyone tomorrow, be they Palestinian, Arab, Christian, Muslim, or Pastafarian. As one of my favourite teachers often says, punching people is bad, m'kay?
Yet Tyrone footballer Tommy McGuigan saw no problem in recently tweeting exactly that - we should assault Jews.
Showing the kind of keen political understanding that we have come to know and expect of our Norn Iron brethren, McGuigan - a former All-Ireland winner, lest we forget, felt no qualms about expressing his distaste for the situation in Gaza by encouraging his followers to randomly attack Jews on the street or in the workplace.
That is appalling enough in itself. But what has been remarkably depressing, although not very surprising, is the silence of the usual mob of poltroons who are so quick to hop on any perceived slight or threat against one of their pet ethnicities.
But Jews are not a pet ethnicity, you see, and they never have been, so therefore McGuigan isn't a racist, bigoted scumbag. No, he is merely expressing his horror at a situation he obviously knows absolutely nothing about.
The difference between actual freedom of speech and literal incitement to violence is very clear. You are perfectly entitled to express your contempt for a particular group or culture if you want. After all, that means you have to defend your position.
But when you start encouraging people to attack members of that group, you've crossed a line and entered the realm of violent rabble rousing. And as we know from the North, the rabble never needs much rousing.
That there has been such a deafening silence on this buffoon's outburst can be but down to several factors. But the primary one is simple - Jews=Israel and Israel=bad. Therefore, why not express your solidarity with Gaza by attacking a Jew? My God, it all makes so much sense!
The reason why so many of the Irish Left squeal so loudly when accused of anti-Semitism is because they know, deep down, that even if they aren't anti-Semitic themselves, there are plenty in their ranks.
The PSNI is now looking into the matter. But where have been the shrill shrieks of condemnation from the Shinners? After all, they're the guardians of human rights in the North, aren't they? Or maybe not.
Now that's tolerance. I think.
The decision of former boxing promoter Frank Maloney to become a woman called Kellie (currently on CBB) certainly raised a few eyebrows, not least those of his most recent wife, who is rather unimpressed with the decision.
But I doubt anyone with any sense or compassion would begrudge the guy his choices. After all, what he does with his body is absolutely none of anybody else's business and as long as he's not looking for the taxpayer to fund any operation, he can do whatever hell he wants. After all, it's his body, his choice, as the old slogan goes.
It takes particular guts to self-identify as a woman when you've spent your life in the world of pro-boxing which, as even those of us who love and admire the sport will admit, is hardly a bastion of progressive tolerance.
But my favourite endorsement of Maloney's change came from his former charge, the eminently quotable, and likeable, Ricky Hatton.
On seeing Frank as Kellie, the boxer simply mused: "Fair play. I've shagged worse."
You don't get much more accepting than that...
Well, they do say crack is wack
It has been overtaken by crystal meth and krokodil as the most gratuitously, spectacularly destructive drug you can get your hands on. But crack remains as much a blight on large sections of urban America as it ever was.
One of those substances that seem to forget about the 'recreational' part of recreational drugs, it has destroyed successive generations of inner city black Americans to a degree that makes Dublin's heroin epidemic look like a Temperance meeting.
But apart from all the usual fun that comes with chronic-pipe addiction - all your teeth fall out, you lose your kids and become a crack whore, the usual - it seems there are some genuinely nasty side- effects.
Just look at Kenneth Douglas, the Ohio morgue attendant who has been busted for having sex with more than 100 corpses.
He blames his crack habit for his sick freakiness, and has been charged with 'gross abuse of a corpse'.
As opposed to..?