Hi °C | Lo °C
Well, have you stopped laughing yet?
I am referring, of course, to the sublime and thoroughly hilarious spat between Armagh and the Republic of Ireland.
I can't stand Gaelic football at the best of times but unlike some of my mates, I don't want to see the GAA disappear. I think they're wrong -- after all, just think of all the comedy value they provide.
As you no doubt know, the Armagh county board got into a tizzy when, they claimed, some rival players from Laois made "partitionist chants" and this, apparently is now racism.
Yup, taking the piss out of some Brits is now seen as an act of vile racism rather than ... just taking the piss out of some Brits.
And proving that nobody does self-righteous whingeing quite like Northerners -- only Scousers could give them a run for their money when it comes to this -- they claimed that the sight of some Laois players singing 'God Save The Queen' and referring to the Armagh players as "British Bastards" was "provocation in the extreme".
Actually, it was perfectly good fun and let's be honest -- who would turn down the chance to annoy someone from the Six Counties?
Interestingly, they now seem to be backtracking slightly, having obviously realised that by screaming 'racism' they just look like a bunch of tools.
But I have one question -- a few years back ( okay, a good few years back) when I was younger and still playing football I would occasionally work as a steward for Shelbourne's home matches.
One Sunday afternoon, Londonderry were the visiting team and when Shels scored the visiting fans turned on me and started to call me "a Free State bastard".
Does that mean I was racially abused?
I shall have to contact my lawyer and get come compensation for the emotional distress I felt...
Ah, shure he was a grand fella
You know what?
I give up, I just bloody give up.
Just when you think this country couldn't become any more squalid and morally bankrupt, along comes something else down the pipe and things get even worse.
When Mahon was released last week, there was a general air of resigned detachment mixed with sporadic bouts of violent rage as we recalled just how tawdry and grubby our political overlords and their developer friends truly were.
Sadly, it looks like the Weasel Ahern will avoid jail, proving that we do things differently in Ireland.
And by that I mean we simply throw hundreds of millions of euro to a bunch of lawyers and come up with a tribunal that tells us what we already know.
But listening to radio on Thursday in the wake of the publication of the report was a stark reminder of just how pig ignorant the people of Ireland can be.
Talking to one radio reporter, a gentleman from Ahern's hinterland of Drumcondra defended the disgraced politician and said: "He did some great things for this area."
Yup, sure he may have bankrupted the country, sure he hung around with smug, vulgar, grubby little trolls like Sean Dunne and his appalling wife and, yes, thanks to him we are looking at spending the next 20 years -- at least -- on our knees.
But hey, he built us a club house, so let's just forgive and forget, eh?
We may now pass the plate...
What comes to mind when you hear the dreaded phrase 'cashless society'?
Well, for me it simply represents the Ireland of today -- we're a cashless society because none of us has any bloody money but the more conventional interpretation is of a Utopian goal whereby cash is phased out and people use a credit card for everything.
I saw a terrifying glimpse of this future when I was on a flight to New York last year.
I asked for a beer and offered five bucks for it.
No, I was informed, as part of 'Continental's Commitment To A Cashless Society', I would have to pay by credit card.
Now, I don't actually have a credit card because I'm not grown up enough to be trusted with one, so I had to use Mrs Ispy's card any time I wanted another drink, which was rather humiliating.
But Sweden has taken things to a whole new level -- they want to eradicate cash from public life entirely.
And how far have they gone?
Well, there are now churches in that country that accept credit cards at the collection plates.
How awkward will that be?
You swipe your card and then the priest tells you in front of all the congregation: "I'm sorry sir, but your card has been declined, would you like to try another one?"
No thanks.
Say no to. . . friends
As British educators continue on their insane social engineering experiment, the latest brain wave is a doozy -- some schools in South West London have banned kids from having a best friend "to save them the pain of falling out with them".
Instead they want kids to form groups rather than individual friendships.
Frankly I don't really see what fuss is.
After all, I never had any friends, group or otherwise, and it didn't do me any harm did it?
Ok, maybe don't answer that one.
Well, they have rights too, you know
I noticed the other day that some pagan prisoners in England have demanded the right to have wands and to pray in the nude.
This is yet another example of prisoners having more freedom than those of us on the outside.
After all, the last time I turned up for work naked with my wand in my hand the cops were called and I'm still dealing with the numerous law suits from the women in the office.
Political correctness gone mad, I tells ya.
Irish Independent
