Sunday 25 September 2016

Ian O'Doherty: Well, that's me in my place

Published 23/01/2013 | 06:00

I was walking along South William Street the other day.

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During my absent-minded wanderings I noticed a dog had been tied to a lamp post.

Another pedestrian was hunkered down over the distressed animal and we did our best to calm the little guy until his owner came back.

While we were waiting, the other guy was asking me about dogs because he is thinking of getting one.

I gave him the details of a dog rescue charity (Dogs Trust does incredible work, particularly at this time of the year) and we sparked off a friendly chat until the owner came back.

As we were leaving we shook hands and he looked and asked one of the oddest questions that's ever been put to me: "Do you fight vampires by any chance?"

Was there some connection between liking dogs and vampire hunting? Did I remind him of some handsome, dashing Van Helsing style figure?

Um, not quite.

As he went on to say: "Jaysus man, the bang of garlic off your breath.

"What did you have for your feckin' dinner last night?"

So, it looks like me and garlic are going to have to bid a fond farewell.

I suppose that's what people who love garlic would describe as their moment of truth – after all, you know you've hit rock bottom when strangers are commenting on it.

When mothers go wild

I'm firmly of the belief that if you dish it out then you have to be prepared to take it.

As long as it's not lies, defamatory or aimed at those around you, then people in the public eye have to expect a certain amount of scrutiny

But sometimes that can get pretty bloody odd.

I received an email recently from a woman who was complaining in the bitterest terms over my comments about one of her children, who is a well known television comedian.

I was mean, I was cruel, this was just a person trying to make a living and my negative comments would harm their career.

The usual sort of stuff.

Now, for obvious reasons I won't name the mother or the performer involved because that, frankly, would just be a pretty nasty thing to do.

But really, when you have been on the telly for years as a hardened professional entertainer and find yourself reduced to having your mammy fighting your battles, then it might be time to explore new career options.

Sure what could go wrong?

Travellers like to bang on about their culture.

It's just such a shame that so much of their culture involves inconveniencing others.

The most recent example comes with the resurgence of so-called sulky racing, which sees two men in a separate horse and trap racing each other down a public road, taking up the entire width.

The footage is from the Ennis Road and makes for pretty horrifying viewing – motorists forced to quickly pull in to the hard shoulder to avoid the danger.

And then it hit me.

We will have lots of naive Yanks coming over here this year looking for their relatives, so I eagerly await the first stand-off of The Gathering – a coachload of American tourists and a road full of sulky-racing Travellers.

That's a sight they didn't expect to see when they booked their tickets.

Yup, that sounds like a plan

The media has run out of euphemisms to describe Lindsay Lohan.

"Troubled" has been over-used. "Erratic" and "eccentric" no longer cover it.

No, the new description should simply be "mad bird Lindsay Lohan".

But she has a new career plan. Well, she needs one, because just about the only thing she can do in Hollywood is, ironically, actually get arrested.

Now she has announced that as someone who is originally a singer: "I really want to do a musical."

Yes, she has been kicked off movie sets for her behaviour – when she turns up, that is.

So I could really see her doing six shows a night on Broadway or the West End.

Okay, this could be one to watch

We're seeing some pretty bloody good television at the moment, and tonight sees the arrival of something that could be riveting.

The Following features a secret cult of serial killers who are all controlled by former literary professor turned mass murderer Joe Carroll (James Purefoy).

Now, we all know that high-concept shows have a habit of falling flat, but this is picking up some serious traction so it'll be worth checking out.

Tune in to Sky Atlantic tonight at 10pm.

Irish Independent

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