Ian O'Doherty: Truly, she is the Messiah
Published 04/08/2011 | 05:00
Obviously, Angelina Jolie is The Greatest Person Alive and anyone who dissents from that categorical fact should be taken outside and whipped with some Fair Trade bamboo cane.
Just look at all the wars she has stopped after she visited the countries involved and so dazzled were the combating sides that they put down their arms and started weaving baskets instead.
Just look at how any orphan child in the Third World can sleep easily at night, despite the crippling hunger pains and weakness due to malnourishment, safe in the knowledge that there is always the possibility Her Worthiness will swoop by and adopt them.