News Ian O'Doherty

Friday 22 August 2014

Ian O'Doherty: Thanks for sharing, Twink

Published 16/11/2012 | 06:00

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Twink, real name Adele King, seems to think of herself as Ireland's biggest star.

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Indeed, if ego and ambition were all you needed for success in the entertainment industry then she'd have more Oscars than Meryl Streep by now.

As it is, she merely looks like Kerry Katona's granny.

Called Twink: Unzipped in reference to that infamous phone call to her ex which went viral, her autobiography is out this week and that scraping sound you can hear in the background is of knives being sharpened.

In one extract she speaks of the trauma caused by the affair her then husband, David Agnew, had.

Now, nobody is going to quibble at that, but eyebrows were certainly raised when she openly admitted contemplating killing herself and her kids.

She said she thought about driving them off the edge of a cliff into the sea but thankfully didn't when she realised: "I am a strong swimmer and I knew my survival instinct would be to grab the girls and swim back up."

So, expect a nomination for Mother of The Year to appear in the post any day now, Adele.

Now they're in trouble

I knew it, I just knew it. In fact, I think we all knew.

Yes, I am referring once more to the strange and terrible case of Chelsea FC vs Mark Clattenburg.

Now I know I've been writing about football a bit more than normal, but that's simply because the last 12 months have seen the game shrouded in controversies – both serious and daft.

And the complaint against the ref certainly falls into the latter category.

The longer it went on without direct proof that he had directed racist remarks at John Obi Mikel the worse it looked for them and now he has been formally cleared by police of using racially offensive language – much to the embarrassment of the football club.

And, I would imagine, to the Society of Black Lawyers, who kicked open the whole hornets' nest in the first place.

So what punishment should Chelsea face?

Well, let's just see how many 50/50 decisions they get from other refs from now on . . .

Really? Are they serious?

I knew they were going to get school kids involved and that was bad enough. But now apparently the organisers of The Gathering are sending postcards to people's houses so we can write to our relatives in Amerikay and ask them if they have a lend of a few bob.

Even by the Blarney blathering bullpoopy standards of The Gathering, this is spectacularly undignified – even humiliating.

And the idea of preying on ex-pats' affection for the aul sod is misplaced – third-generation Paddies might have a grá for here, but anyone who left in the last 10 years will more than likely hate the place.

Sending these begging letters to actual houses came as a surprise but my mate was adamant, so I'll give him the benefit of the doubt.

I haven't received mine yet and I really want them.

I'm sure they'd make perfect kindling to light the fire in my sitting room . . .

A good use of our money

If you listen to some of the bleating from the public sector they are selfless, unsung heroes.

Indeed, an outsider might believe that they are secular missionaries on a vocation to help this country, with no thought for their own concern.

Now, I'm well aware that the Government would love to see civil war between the public and private sectors – it'd be a handy diversionary tactic away from their own botched performance.

But the latest Public Accounts Committee report is jaw-dropping in its account of inefficiency and waste.

Just take the 222 civil servants who received a combined allowance of 300 grand for . . . using a franking machine.

Others claimed for dry cleaning, while it looks as if we, the taxpayer, are also paying for their shoes.

And the public sector wonders why they get such a hard time from the rest of us?

Let's put it this way, it's the equivalent of me coming into the office and then charging more to actually write, even though that's my job.

Well, for the moment it is, anyway.

Capital idea, lads

At a time of national emergency, we all need to pull together.

Unless you're an Aer Lingus trade union official, that is.

They announced this week that they are contemplating strike action over the Christmas – which is just what the country needs.

But how ironic would it be if The Gathering turns out to be a huge success but then the diaspora couldn't actually make it home?

Because Aer Lingus have downed tools and shut all the airports down.

Welcome to Ireland.

Not.

Irish Independent

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