Ian O'Doherty: Really? And you thought you had it bad...
Well, how are you feeling today?
Are you one of those people, like me, who hasn't a bloody bean to their name and is running on fumes till you get paid at the end of the month?
Is the growing enormity of the crisis really beginning to sink home?
In fact, let's cut to the chase -- do you find yourself waking up in the middle of the night suffering from panic attacks?
Well, my friends, no matter how bad you may think you have it, there is someone worse off than you.
And that someone is . . . former Justice Minister Dermot Ahern.
Now, you may have thought that as someone who was an integral member of the cabinet which utterly destroyed this country, he might be feeling a little guilty. Maybe a little shame? Oh come on, even a sense of regret?
But no, not a bit of it.
In fact, it turns out that the man who was once referred to as a boot boy has revealed how the job left him "feeling physically and mentally worn out" from the "trauma" of doing his job.
But there is one scant piece of consolation -- he at least has the 300 grand he trousered when he resigned his seat, and a further 128 grand a year in his pension.
I'm sure you'll all join me in at least feeling some relief for the poor man.
Really? Are you sure about that?
As is so screamingly obvious from my picture on this page, I have absolutely no need to improve my looks.
Others, however, are not so fortunate.
That's the view of someone called Danielle Meagher, one of those mutton-dressed-as-lamb types who is appearing on the upcoming TV3 reality show The Real Housewives Of South County Dublin.
Meagher landed in the merde recently when she opined that Sharon Corr needed to get some Botox done.
This led to a minor controversy, forcing Meagher to come out with the old chestnut: "I made my comments on my Facebook page and it was supposed to be completely private so it should never have got out."
It's incredible that people still use that old excuse but she did defend her position on Botox by adding: "Most women have had it done. Everyone over the age of 31 needs to get light Botox."
In an entirely unrelated note, it should perhaps be noted that this woman runs... a Botox clinic.
Funny that.
Are you watching Evelyn Cusack?
Do you pay much attention to weather forecasts?
Frankly, they have got it wrong so often that you might as well pay as much attention to one of those mad culchies who predict the weather based on the shape of their cow's poop or some other ridiculous rural tradition.
How many times were we told in the last few months that we could expect another white Christmas and ended up with the mildest one in years? And let's not forget that RTÉ had to apologise after completely missing the massive floods and torrential downpours a while back that were more like some sort of Biblical judgment than mere rain.
No, I think it's probably best if we take the average weather forecast with a large jar of sea salt.
But they take things a bit more seriously in South Africa where they are talking about bringing in new legislation -- which means weather forecasters and meteorologists who get it wrong could go to jail.
Under the new law, designed to prevent panic among the locals, transgressors who wrongly predict something like, say, flooding, could face a four-to-five-year sentence and a massive fine.
Let's hope they never bring in a similar law here -- after all, our prisons are already overcrowded enough as it is.
I agree - ban it immediately
We need to stamp out racism from our society and we need to stop our precious little children being exposed to racist ideas.
I am, of course, referring to the BBC children's show, Rastamouse.
It features a crime-fighting Jamaican mouse who speaks, disgracefully, in . . . a Jamaican accent.
This has outraged the kind of people who like to get outraged at this kind of thing and the Beeb has received hundreds of complaints from people who say this is stereotyping black people.
Now, you could make the argument that complaining about someone speaking in an authentic Jamaican accent is in itself inherently racist. But by the time you're finished explaining that nuance you would have lost patience and simply battered them to death.
But while we're banning children's cartoons, let's stop any repeats of Ivor The Engine as it is derogatory to the Welsh.
And as for Captain Pugwash?
Well, I am sure there are Somalian pirates out there who deeply resent the way he represents piracy . . .
A smart-arse cyclist? Surely not
I have to admit I am developing a seriously deep loathing for some cyclists. I'm not talking about people who simply use a bike to get around, I'm talking about the ones who think that rules are for other people (such as the ones who cycled three abreast down Harold's Cross road a while back and abused anyone who complained).
And a perfect example of just how unbearably smug some of them can be came from a recording made by a PC in Britain last week.
He stopped a cyclist who had just run a red light. Did he apologise and accept the ticket?
Nope, he started filming the cop, demanded to know the exact law which says you can't break the lights and then flounced off before the officer could give him a ticket, shouting: "You tried to touch my camera. Don't you dare do that."
What are the odds he votes for the Green Party?
And, while we're at it, what are the odds that if he was hit by a car while running the light, he would be the first to sue the motorist?
Irish Independent
