Sunday 21 December 2014

Ian O'Doherty: Hey it's their culture, innit?

Published 18/10/2012 | 17:00

I remember being at an Under 21 international between Ireland and England in Dalyer a good few years ago and watched in amazement as some fathers and their young sons started to chant 'Shaka Zulu' every time one of their black players got the ball.

It was disgusting stuff and thoroughly shameful.

I was embarrassed to be an Irish football fan and apologised to an English guy beside me.

He just shrugged his shoulders and said he hadn't expected it in Ireland.

It was then pointed out to the men and their kids in no uncertain terms that their contribution was not welcomed by the other fans and when asked if they would say such things to Paul McGrath their tiny, feeble little brains just seemed to freeze up on them.

I was reminded of that incident while looking at appalling abuse England Under-21 player Danny Rose received at the hands of those Serbian savages the other night.

Now the Serbs don't exactly have a reputation for sweetness and light but to see such large swathes of the crowd, as well as, incredibly, players and staff engage in that behaviour was reprehensible.

So what will FIFA and UEFA do?

Well knowing Blatter they will do what their counterparts in the UN do -- they will send a very stern letter saying how annoyed they are.

But if you're Nicklas Bendtner and you show a bookie's logo during a game you get an 85 grand fine.

Nice to see they have their priorities in order, eh?

NICE ONE, DAMO, WELL DONE

To quote that wise man Monty Burns: "I don't know much about art, but what I do I hate."

Being someone who has no grounding in fine art all I know is that when I look at something like, say, The Scream, I am transfixed.

Try to get me to look at Tracey Emin's dirty bed, then I just vomit a little in my mouth.

Indeed, all of the winners of the Turner Prize seem to be picked purely to outrage Middle England and, on that level, they are fine artists indeed.

But I was rather disgusted at Damien Hirst's latest 'project' which saw people walking around a room that had thousands of butterflies fluttering about.

So far, so pastoral. After all, we all love cute little butterflies, don't we?

Well, not Damien it would appear.

Because it emerged the other day that at least 9,000 of the creatures were killed by punters who either stood on them or brushed them off their clothes too roughly.

Now even I agree with PETA -- and there's a phrase I never thought I'd write -- that such a senseless waste of life is just plain wrong.

So what are his two most notable achievements?

Well, he pickled a shark and he killed thousands of butterflies.

Ever consider getting some counselling, Damo?

TO THE TWITTER MACHINE!

I stayed up late to watch the US presidential debate the other night, but I didn't like the presentation format they were using and I didn't like the moderator so I promptly fell asleep.

Sure, it's not the most spectacular protest ever, but I like to refer to it as my protest nap.

But before I furiously nodded off in a huff, I noticed how Fox started their coverage of the evening's events with a celebratory piece about how the next few hours' coverage was likely to attract more than 10 million Twitters users. So what, I thought before sleep came, who cares?

Well, the one Twitter story this week which seems to be largely ignored is the number of threats coming from black Americans if Romney wins.

One group is calling for riots if their boy doesn't get in and one black woman who made the mistake of saying she was going to go for Romney had to close down her account following a series of vile threats and quite possibly credible threats to her life.

Another person then said that they should already start making plans to burn LA and Washington to the ground should Obama lose.

Nice to see democracy at work on Twitter, eh? Well, they don't call it anti-social media for nothing, I suppose.

WELL, THAT'S JUST THE NEWS WE NEEDED

So, didja have a good summer?

Do you fondly recall those balmy days of heading down to the beach and having a nice picnic with your family and friends?

Do you recall lying down on the grass in your local park and smelling the flowers?

No, of course you didn't.

Not just because if you went to the beach last summer there was a good chance you would have stumbled across one of the numerous gang fights that occurred this year. And as for grass in your local park? Well, if you put your head down on that you'd probably cover it in dog poop.

But all of that was moot, because a Met report has come out which predicts that we can look forward to another eight summers of rain.

Great. Just what we wanted to hear -- the prospect of a decade of crappy summers with the added loveliness of freezing winters to follow.

I'm not sure which climate is worse -- the one that's causing the bad weather or the financial one.

Either way, both seem to be conspiring against us.

THIS IS AN OUTRAGE

The court order has expired so I'm now legally allowed to write about Sandra Bullock, although the restraining order against me being on the same continent as her at any time is still in place.

As readers will know, Sandra Bullock is the coolest, friendliest, smart, funniest, most elegant (It's this kind of rubbish that got you into trouble in the first place --ed).

Well, you get my point.

Hell, I even watched a bloody rom-com, While You Were Sleeping, because she was in it. And mighty fine it was as well.

But not everyone shares my adoration for Sandy -- as I'm not allowed to call her.

She appeared on Chelsea Handler's show recently and was forced to appear naked except for some judiciously placed pixels on her breasts to preserve her modesty.

This is outrageous and demeaning to a great woman and I was shocked, disgusted, appalled and offended by the sight of it.

I demand that they remove those bloody pixels immediately.

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