independent

Sunday 20 April 2014

Ian O'Doherty: Here we go again

Honestly. Like any person who has even a shred of common sense, I despair for this country.

Or, to be more accurate, I despair of the calibre of politicians we have representing us.

Fianna Fáil was always going to get an absolute shellacking at the last election and this they duly received.

It was the moment when we made the buggers who ruined this country pay attention to us little people.

Then, with the new Government, maybe we would see a new political culture.

And even though I would be politically opposed to the United Left Alliance and their ilk, they had been voted in and deserved their shot.

Or is 'shot' the wrong word to use?

That can be the only conclusion following the extraordinary -- and brazen -- admission from Mick Wallace (pictured) that he had threatened to hire a hit man to help recover a twenty grand debt.

So our national Parliament is now home to convicted terrorists, the former head of the IRA and a millionaire tax cheat who sees no issue with pretending to hire a gun man to do his dirty work for him.

Is it any wonder we're in the mess we're in?

Although no doubt Wallace thinks this is part of an Indo smear campaign against him.

It's political correctness gone mad, innit?

Back in the distant recesses of time, I was quite friendly with a deaf girl.

She was smart and funny and had an absolutely wicked sense of humour.

I also remember being fascinated by sign language and the sheer beauty and elegance of it all.

But did you know that it's also quite . . . racist?

Now, I know you wouldn't immediately assume that signing is a discriminatory language, but it has traditionally relied on physical stereotypes when describing people.

This means, for instance, that the usual way to describe a gay person would have been to use a limp wrist.

Likewise, Jews were portrayed by making a sign for a big nose and Chinese people were denoted by making a squinty eyed face.

All these are now changing and even the sign for Irish has removed the normal sign for a shamrock and has been replaced by the imaginary plucking of a harp, which just seems a bit mad, to be honest.

But it's a pity they are cleaning up their language.

After all, wouldn't you just love to see the liberal worthies get their priorities in a twist if a deaf person were to be prosecuted for incitement to racial hatred?

Now that would be a trial worth paying money to go and see.

A good use of their resources

Just like here in Ireland, the trick in Britain is to prioritise the cuts and where they take place, which is why so many people over there are worried about cutting the police force.

After all, if the proposed cuts to the English police force had been brought in earlier, then we wouldn't have seen the following story from last week.

A swimming pool in Bournemouth became the site of an unusual crime scene last week when a row broke out between a middle-aged man and some kids who had been splashing him.

He swore at the kids and cops were called.

Two officers jumped into the pool, fully clothed, and wrestled him out of the water whereupon he was seized by four other officers.

And what was the upshot to this crack operation?

Well, according to the cops: "We ascertained that no offence had been committed and gave him a lift home."

And the politicians in that country want to jeopardise police attending swimming pool related hissy fits?

Sure the whole place would just descend into anarchy.

She's so brave -- to a point

She has made a career out of challenging perceptions and she has done it rather brilliantly.

The innovative Madonna we saw when she first emerged 50 years ago is a world away from Madge 2012.

In fact, if anything, she now looks like the reincarnation of Countess Bathory -- and not in a good way.

Her latest stunt was supposed to see her as a 'terror bride' -- where she would wear an Islamic wedding veil over a US soldier's uniform.

She has now pulled the planned stunt out of concern for upsetting the religious beliefs of Muslims.

Well, I'm sure there are plenty of Christians out there who wish she had shown the same consideration to them . . .

What do you get for the man with everything?

As you are undoubtedly aware, my birthday is next month.

I love how every year sees vast swathes of people completely ignore the occasion because they don't want to embarrass me.

My family, my wife, all my friends, simply pretend the date doesn't exist and for this I thank them because I am bashful and shy and would hate for a fuss to be made over me.

But a pretty damn cool press release came in yesterday which put me in mind of my forthcoming special occasion.

EMI are reissuing re-mastered versions of A Walk Across The Rooftops and Hats by The Blue Nile as a double issue in November, two days after my special day.

Two of the greatest albums of the '80s in one pack?

What more could a boy want?

So, ahem, if anyone in EMI happens to be reading this and your name happens to be 'Pete', well, you know yourself.

Look, what's the point of having a column if I can't shamelessly abuse my position?

Don't you dare judge me . . .

Irish Independent

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