Ian O'Doherty: Because he's worth it
I must confess, there was a time when I was quite an admirer of racing's John McCririck.
I have absolutely no interest in horse racing but it would sometimes be on when I was a kid and I found the guy to be interesting, eccentric and, hell, if he could actually get someone like me to be even vaguely interested in racing, then he must have been good at his job.
And I also liked the way he pretended to be as boorish and obnoxious and flamboyantly hideous as he possibly could.
After all, no human being could actually be that vile, could they?
Well . . . yes, a human could genuine be that vile. If their name was John McCririck, that is.
He has proved on a series of reality shows to be a spoiled, petulant infant and, worst of all, he is a bully. And now he is on a publicity campaign to drum up sympathy after being sacked from Channel 4.
He is playing the victim card, claiming to be the victim of ageism (he's 71).
But there is another conspiracy theory out there that he hasn't considered – people just can't stand the sight of him.
As the hugely annoying ad says . . . seemples.
Finally, some morals at last
I know, I know. We tend to become more conservative as we get older, but this is getting ridiculous.
I'm referring, of course, to the state of the average modern pop video.
There is some amazing music being made out there but people are more interested in Rihanna and her latest attempt to find new ways of wearing only her underpants.
In fact, half the videos you see these days would have come with a parental advisory warning a few years ago, so explicit are they.
But some people can go too far in their prudery.
A high school in a small town in the southern states of America has finally decided they have had enough of all this licentiousness.
In fact, the principal even cancelled the high-school musical because he thought the material was too racy.
The material, by the way, was a series of Elvis songs.
God help him when those kids start growing their hair long and listening to The Beatles and The Stones. . .
Really? You sure about that?
I have always been absolutely rubbish with money.
I think it's just an O'Doherty family thing – as soon as we get a couple of quid we immediately spend it and then spend the rest of time being completely broke.
I was discussing this with my brother and sister last week and we all agreed that we should be more financially prudent with our cash and this year we will simply have to pay more attention, because we just don't have any alternative.
And I have become simply resigned to being stony broke for the last week before I get paid.
So, what to do?
Well, I usually grit my teeth, wait it out and hope no bill comes in that needs immediate payment.
Or . . . I could take Kerry Katona's advice.
I got the shock of my life last weekend when I was watching the telly and there she was – promoting one of those instant cash loan, 'pay day' companies that send an instant wire transfer into your account. For a modest, ahem, interest rate.
Now as rubbish with money as I may be, I know one thing – I'm smart enough to stay the hell away from anything that woman is promoting.
What's next? Jordan promoting etiquette classes?
Well, two words spring to mind
There was something deeply dispiriting about watching Enda Kenny prostrate himself in front of those German politicians last week.
Sure, he has to do the rounds, but a bit of self-respect rather than the constant yearning for approval would be nice to see.
After all, as a wise man called Ferris Bueller pointed out, how can anyone respect you if you don't respect yourself?
And all that sucking up to the Krauts was for nought – we're obedient little pixie heads but they're not putting their hand in their pocket.
And then, to make matters worse, the Troika has now come out and said that the December Budget wasn't tough enough.
What do they want? Blood? The lives of our first born? The deeds to our houses so that when we die all Irish property is bequeathed to them?
Actually, don't tell them I said that last one. I don't want to give them ideas.
That's not very consistent, is it now?
There is a growing backlash against Twitter trolls and Declan Ganley's victory over a blogger was good news for anyone who has ever been the victim of an online hate campaign.
But I was rather taken aback to see that Cody Lachey won't be charged.
Lachey took to Twitter to say that James McClean should be killed.
McClean, as you remember, didn't wear a poppy (as was his right) and Lachey even included a picture of a bullet for good measure.
Now the former soldier has been told no charges will be filed.
What the hell is up with the Brits?
We had that eejit who posted racist abuse on Twitter being sent to jail yet a guy who posts pictures of bullets and publicly issues threats to kill is allowed to walk free?
I guess the moral of that story is simple – just make sure the person you're being horrible to isn't black or an ethnic minority.