Saturday 29 October 2016

Ian O'Doherty: And the award for no sense of humour goes to . . .

Published 11/10/2012 | 06:00

I do find it rather odd that some people seem to spend their lives going around being annoyed by random stuff.

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That's not to say I don't get personally irked by some things, but I suppose I just reckon that the more frequently annoyed you get, the less impact it has.

And if there is one thing that really does get my goat, as it were, it's cruelty to animals.

So, where do I stand on Bam Margera and the latest controversy he has walked himself into?

The former Jackass star made his fortune through a series of increasingly stupid and dangerous stunts on that TV show, and he has always prided himself as a bit of a prankster.

But he has attracted outrage from animal rights groups in America after he posted a picture of himself holding a gun to a puppy's head.

The dog had pooped in his bed and Margera took the pic and put it up on his Twitter machine, prompting immediate fury.

Now, Margera immediately apologised and said he thought it was obvious that it was a joke, but that doesn't cut it with some animal lovers.

One of them even went so far as to say: "His apology is not good enough. What if that was a three month old baby whose head he was holding a gun to?"

Now maybe I'm having a particularly dense day today -- that happens a lot, now that I think about it -- but what sort of person sees a guy playing with his dog and thinks: "Well, would it be funny if he shot a baby?"

That, my friends, is what you call a massive leap of logic.

Thanks, lads. Bang up job

I've always felt that the only way to get out of the mess we're in was to stick together.

The divide-and-conquer policy pursued by this Government has turned the private sector against the public, while the old rural/urban divide is as fractious as ever.

And matters won't have been helped by yesterday's farmers' march through the centre of Dublin.

Now, at a time when every small business needs as much traction as it can get, the idea of closing the capital for a few hours seems economically destructive to the point of treason.

But it did remind me of one thing.

Dublin's taxi drivers held a similar protest demo last year and brought the city to a standstill.

They had a Garda escort all the way and one cop turned around to the one of the drivers and said: "You better not think about doing another march this day next week."

The driver, stunned that his democratic right to inconvenience everyone else was being threatened by a member of An Garda Síochána, demanded to know what gave the officer the right to tell him he couldn't have another march that day.

"Well, it's simple," came the reply: "We're having our own march against the Garda cutbacks that day, so it would be pointless to have two marches in the one day, wouldn't it?"

And that, I'm afraid, tells its own tale about this country.

Are you really surprised?

Ever see those competitive eater dudes?

You know the ones I mean. They're usually either weirdly skinny Japanese guys who can eat a million hot dogs in 30 seconds, or super-fat American rednecks who can shove an entire catfish down their gullet.

And then there is the strange and rather revolting case of competitive eater Edward Archbold from Florida.

He entered a competition run by his local pet shop where the contest was to see who could eat the largest number of cockroaches.

Now, why anyone would even think of touching one of these vile creatures, let alone scoffing a load of them, is beyond me.

But Eddie persevered and won the contest, earning himself a free python as the prize.

Sadly, however, it appears he had an allergic reaction to the insects and died.

So, he eats a few hundred roaches and then passes away?

Ah well -- I'm sure it's how he would have wanted to go.

Or maybe not.

He was a proper geezer . . .

I've never been able to understand the fetishisation of gangsters, particularly the old East End villains who have been lionised as 'being good to their mum' and all that usual rubbish.

Let's be real here for a minute -- the likes of the Krays were murderous nutters and their recently deceased rival, Charlie Richardson (pictured), who was buried in a traditional gangster funeral in South London on Monday was just as bad.

The memorial service was named as looking "back at a life of love and gratitude."

But there wasn't much love present in some of the floral tributes -- particularly one which simply said '240 DC.'

And what does this cryptic message mean?

Well, that was the voltage of his favourite toy -- an electric generator he used to attach electrodes to victims he was torturing.

What a lovely and touching tribute, I'm sure you'll agree.

Well, it's a vote getter . . .

Brazilian politician Carme Cristina Lima has been arrested by cops in her home town because they didn't like the way she was campaigning.

And the reason?

Well authorities became suspicious when they saw a large crowd gather around her election car -- and when they investigated they learned that she had been reportedly distributing free cocaine with her election leaflet.

I suppose that puts an Irish politician buying some voters a pint in the local pub into perspective . . .

Irish Independent

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