Ian O'Doherty: All hail Xenu. Or something
The Cult of Scientology is having a really, really bad week. They have been found guilty of fraud in France, and slapped with a large fine -- although given how expert they are at bilking money from the gullible morons who buy into their claptrap, they shouldn't have any problem raising it.
In America, screenwriter Paul Haggis has left the cult -- or 'fruity little club' as South Park referred to it -- because: "I cannot in good conscience remain in an organisation where gay bashing is tolerated and which has allowed its name to be associated with the worst elements of the Christian Right."
But this column has a suggestion for embattled cult members.
Simply send us all your money and we will help your inner Thetan find The Bridge to Total Freedom where you can escape the clutches of Xenu, the dictator of the Galactic Confederacy who came to this planet 75 billion years ago before killing all his followers with hydrogen bombs.
Honestly, they believe that.
It's enough to make transubstantiation seem rational.
'ELLO, 'ELLO, 'ELLO
Special interest groups -- the Muslim Police Association, the Black Police Association, the Gay Police Association (but no 'straight, white police association' obviously, because that would be racist and homophobic) -- continue to turn the British police into some sort of weird group of social workers who are more interested in social engineering than nicking criminals.
Their latest set of rules are thoroughly entertaining.
Coppers have been told, for instance, not to use the phrases 'evening' or 'afternoon' because, apparently, "these words are somewhat subjective" and could confuse people from other cultures.
They are now, confusingly, no longer allowed to use the word 'homosexual' and replace it with gay. Equally, 'straight' is verboten, and 'heterosexual' is the new word, which, as a heterosexual, I find extremely welcome, because the phrase 'straight' made me feel uncomfortable and discriminated against.
But the most common sense rule is banning the word 'child' because: "It has connotations of inexperience, impetuosity and unreliability."
It's all remarkably similar to the opening episode of the American Office where, among the words banned by the new boss is 'Mexican': "Because, you know, it has connotations."
THAT'S PRECISELY THE POINT
As France leads the fight for the protection of European civilisation by banning the burka, Britain now finds itself in yet another of those interminable burka bothers.
An 18-year-old, Shawana Bilqes, refused to remove the burka when she was posing for photo ID at college in Burnley.
Staff and students alike are required to carry their photo ID at all times to prove they have a right to be on campus but the lady was not for turning and, typically, is now claiming religious discrimination despite the fact that the burka is not mandatory for Muslims.
According to her: "I tried to compromise but they wouldn't. We live in the 21st century with people from all walks of life."
Yes, luv, that's exactly it -- the 21st century, not the Middle Ages where women wander around looking like those little ghosts from Pacman.
- Ian O'Doherty
Irish Independent
