Ian O'Doherty: A match made . . . in paradise?
So you see, even the bad guys have a soft side.
I am, of course, referring to the news that none other than Osama bin Laden was an ardent admirer of Whitney Houston and, indeed, quite fancied marrying the woman.
The rather odd scenario emerged a few years back in a book and was promptly forgotten, but the singer's death has brought it all back up and author Kola Boof told Reuters this week that: "It didn't seem impossible to me.
"He said he wanted to give Whitney Houston a mansion that he owned in a suburb of Khartoum. He explained to me that to possess Whitney, he would be willing to break his colour rule and make her one of his wives."
Incredibly, this scenario never actually happened.
Honestly, what sort of person would rather a life of luxury in the States to the alternative of being one of multiple wives in sunny downtown Khartoum while married to a nutter?
Okay Seanie -- what have you got to say now?
It seems that not a day has passed this week without something to do with Sean Penn cropping up in the papers.
Initially it was his contention that England was a ludicrous colonial entity that had no right to the Falklands. Then he came out and said that Prince William has "no right" to be deployed there and says: "There are many places to deploy a prince. It's not necessary when the deployment of a prince is generally accompanied by a warship."
And while I am quite sure that Her Majesty's Armed Forces will greatly appreciate tactical and strategic advice from such a noted military thinker, one Tory harrumphed that: "Penn is neither British nor Argentinean so why doesn't he just shut up?"
But I was particularly tickled by the news yesterday that allies of Penn's great mucker Hugo Chavez have gone on the offensive against one of the Venezuelan tyrant's political enemies.
And how did they do that?
Well, they warned that Henrique Capriles is "a Jew, a homosexual and a fascist".
Now, leaving aside the fact that Jews have had a rather turbulent history with fascists, what I really want to know is how well will Penn's mates in Hollywood take to these comments?
Oh wait -- I forgot.
Sure, there are no Jews or homosexuals in Tinseltown, are there?
Or, indeed, gay Jews.
Oh, such brave men
Let's get one thing straight -- I thought Labour TD Aodhán Ó Ríordáin's response to the Darren Scully incident was despicable, cowardly and self-servingly cynical.
You may recall that Scully was the Naas mayor who made the mistake of saying that he no longer felt comfortable representing black Africans and Ó Ríordáin immediately went on to every radio station he could, informing the grateful populace that he had gone to the gardaí to report Scully.
It was none of his business and he should have stayed well clear.
But now the nutters are coming out of the woodwork and he has been sent hate mail from racist pond life who have threatened to "put a bullet in your brain".
It's not something he should be worried about because the kind of person who sends anonymous hate mail is more likely to be a socially inadequate loser who lives with his mother than he is a member of Combat 18.
But just when I began to feel sorry for the Labour man, he came out with a cracker: "I intend to investigate whether An Post could better filter out this type of mail."
So what -- they're meant to open our mail now to check for offensive materials?
Other countries have tried that before, you know.
It seldom worked out well.
What a capital idea. . .
The Olympics are shaping up to be an absolute bloody disaster so it should all be rather amusing.
Corruption, as Channel 4 showed the other night, is absolutely rife while the whole thing just reeks of moral bankruptcy.
But just when the event is accused of being a complete waste of money, along comes a great idea.
One of the artists employed by the cultural committee of the Olympics has come up with a great wheeze -- he wants a million quid to get 700 million people around the world to . . . take a deep breath at the same time.
I've heard of the hot air brigade but that surely is a new one . . .
I object in the strongest possible terms!
Michael O'Leary is in the wars again after he was forced to withdraw a poster for his airline because feminists, prudes and lesbians (well maybe not lesbians, they'd probably approve) objected to a picture of scantily clad cabin crew beside one of his planes.
It's exactly the kind of crude, knee-jerk response we have come to expect.
On an entirely unrelated note, I must say I saw the picture of David Beckham in his underpants and I was disgusted that such a provocative and sexualised vision of male flesh could be seen in a family newspaper.
I feel, as a man, thoroughly violated and I am now worried that all the women in office are now looking at me and imagining me wearing them.
Well, that would explain the vomiting bug that seems to have hit them all in here.
That's it -- I'm off to ring Joe.
Irish Independent
