Harriet Harperson strikes again, love
It's hard to know who is the most pathologically politically correct person in the British cabinet, but Harriet Harman just about pips the others to the post.
And what burning issue is currently keeping her awake at night? Iraq? The decline of standards? The economy? Erm, not quite.
The woman they call Harperson is Minister For Women And Equality -- as opposed to the similar but different portfolio of Minister For Men And Inequality -- and she has decided that the days of calling a barmaid "love" are gone, and that any bar staff who have to listen to sexist banter are entitled to compensation. Lots of it.
According to the new legislation, which is aimed specifically at the hospitality industry, any member of staff who is offended by being called "love" or "darling" can complain that her boss didn't do enough to protect the poor dear. Sorry, woman.
They have also placed provisions for any employee who is offended by the conversations of the punters and have said that "loud, inappropriate jokes" which cause offence to a member of staff will not be tolerated.
This has received, as you might expect, rather a large amount of criticism, but it's actually a great idea.
After all, there's nothing worse than going into a pub for a glass of mineral water when you have to put up with people actually having a good time and relaxing.
It's disgusting.
Although, having said that, in Ispy's local it's the punters who need more protection from the bar staff, not the other way around.
PITY THE POOR POET?
As Cathal O Searchaigh continues his exercise in pompous paranoia and engages in the kind of deluded self-regard that seems to be unique to members of Aosdana, the debate has become even more interesting.
And while the usual idiots have been busy melting the Liveline phone lines with their considered opinions, some of his defenders have adopted an interesting tactic -- rather than openly supporting the poet, they have decided to shift the goal posts and attack his critics.
Indeed, in one paper last Sunday, one particularly shrill columnist complained about the "heaving mob" of people arrayed against him and claimed that anyone who had a problem with his actions was simply another member of the herd.
So, presumably she'd have no problem with this lecherous old fool paying her 16-year-old brother 50 quid to shag him?
AND YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE KINKY?
We all have our little peccadilloes. But no matter how wild you think you are, step aside for Maxwell Mosley, head of Formula 1.
Mosley's father was despised fascist Oswald Mosley and if the latest scandal involving his son is anything to go by, the apple hasn't fallen far from the tree.
Mosley has been exposed for having an orgy with a bunch of prostitutes -- but with a difference. He decked out his flat like a concentration camp torture chamber and first played a Holocaust victim while a prostitute pretended to be a camp guard, who roughly checked his head for lice before interrogating and whipping him.
Mosley then turned the tables and began torturing the prostitutes while barking orders at them in German before engaging in rough sex.
Incredibly, some Jewish groups have objected to the son of one of Hitler's biggest admirers using the Holocaust to get his rocks off.
Honestly, the things some people get offended by these days...
AH, YOU GOTTA LOVE THE DUTCH
Holland is undoubtedly one of the finest countries in Europe, and it's sad to see them following the herd and are introducing a ban on smoking in public places -- but they're doing it Dutch style.
While you can no longer smoke tobacco, you can still smoke joints as long as they are pure weed or hash and have no tobacco in them.
The coffee shops are reportedly delighted with this dispensation, but they're missing the point.
After all, without being able to use some tobacco to soften the blow of the joint, patrons will all be unconscious after their first puff, which won't be great for business.
Still, Amsterdam for the next long weekend it is, then.
THEY'RE MADE FOR EACH OTHER
Yup, the filthy smudge on the window that refuses to be wiped away, Pete Doherty, is still bobbing about, taking drugs and escaping jail.
But it seems that this scumbag junkie/tortured genius -- delete according to taste -- is about to take a new direction in his life... Scientology.
Well, they do like to recruit celebrity victims so it'll be interesting to see how wee Tom Cruise reacts to Doherty when they meet.
But it's not as daft an association as you might think.
After all, according to the demented dribblings of Scientology's founder, L Ron Hubbard, the intergalactic ruler Xenu sent a load of aliens to this planet before nuking them and they then transplanted their souls into us lucky humans.
And you'd have to be as high as Doherty to swallow that.
- Ian O'Doherty
