Wednesday 22 October 2014

And proper order, too

Published 12/02/2013 | 06:00

Ah yes, finally, some common sense on an airline.

And let's be honest – common sense has left the building a long time ago when it comes to flying.

I have lost count of the number of times I have virtually had to be physically restrained by the wife when we're travelling.

For example, the TSA restrictions when travelling to and through America are, to be blunt, insane.

Indeed, I remember being warned that I wouldn't be allowed to board a flight in Newark to LA because I objected to being frisked by some stupid security chick who couldn't even speak English properly.

It's almost like they want to make flying such a truly horrendous experience that you never get on a plane again – which is hardly a good business plan by the airlines.

And then when you do get on board you have . . . children.

I don't like little humans at the best of times, but when you're stuck with them in the air it is truly insufferable.

Parents seem to think that their kid kicking the back of your seat is cute, or if they start running around the cabin it's just a sign of their exuberance.

It's not, of course. It just shows that the little brats have no manners.

So kudos to Air Asia, who have brought in a new rule – they have banned anyone under the age of 12 from the first seven rows of their economy section.

This has prompted a flurry of complaints from parents who say that they are being "discriminated against".

And the answer to that?

Yes. Yes you are. And rightly so, because your child is a monumental pain in the backside and nobody wants to fly with you.

I guess I'm a hardliner.

Now that's what you call multi-culti

Let's be honest – the discovery of Richard III's skeleton was pretty damn cool.

Here we have one of the most hated figures in history, who most people assumed was simply a character from a Shakespeare play, and now some brilliant archaeologists have found his bones.

In our culture these days, less attention and importance is given to history than ever before (the fact that most English kids associate 'Churchill' with a bloody ad on the telly rather than Winston says it all) so the news last week of the discovery was both fascinating and important.

And now the troubles have begun.

A row has broken out between the cities of York and Leicester over where Richard should be buried.

Now that's the kind of thing we could have expected but I was particularly tickled by the comments of Canon David Monteith from Leicester, who says he is planning a "multi-faith ceremony" for Richard because "Leicester is one of the most racially diverse cities".

Um, I don't want to rain on the canon's parade, but Richard died at the battle of Bosworth in 1485.

And given the fact that the Crusades were all the rage at the time, with Christians and Muslims slaughtering each other in the Levant, I'm not so sure the man himself would have approved of such a thing.

But then this is Leicester – a city which wanted to erect a statue of Gandhi rather than their native son Gary Lineker, despite the fact that Gandhi never even played for Leicester City.

Well, can you blame him?

Stephen Kelly (pictured) has always seemed smarter than your average footballer.

Now plying his trade at Reading, he has always come across as thoughtful and articulate and he's certainly not afraid to speak his mind, as that infamous row with the Irish management before the Faroe Islands game proved.

Now he has responded to Trapattoni's recent slurs and insults against him (the manager said Kelly told him he would only turn up if he was guaranteed a place in the team) by issuing a furious statement saying: "I will not tolerate attempts to defame my commitment and loyalty for Ireland. I have represented my country since the age of 16 and I have never shown less than 100pc."

Well, that's another player Trap has managed to piss off.

Seriously, Giovanni – you don't like us. We don't like you.

Will you ever just feck off and let someone who actually wants the job do it instead?

Well, are you surprised?

I had a horse steak in France when I was a kid.

I didn't know it was horse until after we had eaten it and I simply thought it was a particularly tough piece of beef.

So I've been following the whole horse meat scandal with a mixture of horror and amusement – horror at the damage this is doing to our reputation as beef producers, the best in Europe, and amusement at the outrage of some consumers.

Let's put it this way – if you're paying two quid for six frozen burgers then I would imagine that the horse meat content is probably the healthiest part of the whole damn thing.

Now that's what you call classy

Ah, to be a young woman.

Twenty-two-year-old English woman Rebecca Gallanagh has hit out the justice system after she was fined £140 – for "blinging up" her electronic tag.

She was on a strict curfew after she was found guilty of battering another woman outside a nightclub and decided that she would stick loads of fake diamonds on the tag to "make it more personal".

Honestly, what's the world coming to when a lovely young lady like this isn't even allowed to pimp up her security tag?

Irish Independent

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