Saturday 1 October 2016

What it takes to be an Irish Mammy's perfect son

A survey reveals what mothers appreciate most in daughters. But what about their sons?

Published 21/07/2014 | 02:30

Art imitating life: The quintessential Irish mammy, Mrs Brown, as portrayed by Brendan O’Carroll
Art imitating life: The quintessential Irish mammy, Mrs Brown, as portrayed by Brendan O’Carroll
Mrs Brown's Boys D'Movie come up trumps at the box office

A new survey identified what mothers want in their perfect daughter. It's full of nice things like being happy to confide in her, surprising her with gifts and sharing the same taste in TV shows.

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But what about the perfect son? Specifically, what makes the ideal boy for an Irish Mammy? We've listed 10 ways any Irishman can make his Mammy proud:


1 Compare every other woman you meet to her. Unfavourably. Girlfriends, wives, business partners, colleagues, neighbours, random strangers, celebrities, your one who reads the news, the "lady doctor", Joan Burton, Miley Cyrus, whoever. Doesn't matter who they are or what they do: make sure she knows that none of them compare to Mammy.

2 Rock up to her house for dinner every Sunday. Irish mothers love nothing more than being able to pamper their boy with some proper home-cooking. Especially as they know you've had nothing but toast and cigarettes all week.

3 Agree with her that the country's in an awful state. "Yes, Mammy, they've the place destroyed. No, Mammy, it's never been as bad as this. Yes, Mammy, I do remember your dire warnings for the last four decades."

4 Never forget her birthday. Or Christmas, or Mother's Day, or her anniversary or the cat's birthday or any other date that might conceivably be considered in some way meaningless.

5 Watch the Late Late with her. We know you'd sooner have a lobotomy, without anaesthetic. And she grumbles constantly about it for the duration. Doesn't matter. The Late Late is part of her life, that's not going to change now.

6 Fix her car. Saves her having to deal with that cowboy mechanic who over-charged her the last time.

7 Do a DIY job on her kitchen. Saves her having to deal with that cowboy tradesman who 
over-charged her the last time.

8 Ring her at least once a week. Whether you're in Antarctica, Argentina, Addis Ababa or living next door and you only saw her yesterday… pick a day and make that call every week.

9 Let the cat or dog sit on your lap. You might see it as a mangy graveyard for ticks, she sees it as her boon companion.

10 Go along when she starts slagging off Daddy. You don't have to agree, or even speak; 
just nod sagely and reel off meaningless catchphrases such as "Oh, now" or "Tch. I just don't know."

Irish Independent

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