Friday 19 December 2014

Irish Social Stere O'Types - number 55, the garda

Published 31/08/2014 | 02:30

The garda
The garda

Accent: broad. Build: Also broad (inching towards heavy, due to careless diet and surprisingly sedentary occupation).

Uniform: Neat enough - creases not quite as sharp as the brass would like, but sure who has the time?

Family: Lots more guards

Disposition: Mellow

In international terms: Closer to an English village Bobby than a carbine-toting carabinieri just itching for someone to start causing trouble

Often found: Checking tax and registration on lonely country roads; signing various forms while trying not to fall asleep; playing or watching GAA; flirting with that Polish girl in the café round the corner from the barracks; queueing for chips after Sunday night lock-in at the pub

Likes: Taking it handy

Doesn't like: Those bloody set-dances the girlfriend drags him along to - the father keeled over from a heart attack doing the very same thing

The girlfriend: Principal's secretary at the local secondary

Attitude to the law: If it's serious, he's serious; if it's harmless, he might turn a blind eye

Such as: Nobody ever killed anyone with a broken brake-light

Ambitions: None in particular, although he hopes to cut down on the fags at some vague point in the future

Favourite TV shows: The Sunday Game, Top Gear, Family Guy, a bit of Corrie if herself has control of the remote

Favourite cop shows: None - those boys are all too gung-ho

Biggest disappointment: When they cancelled the Garth Brooks concerts

Likely quote: "Ah sure, go on, we'll let you off this time"

Unlikely quote: "Hands behind your head, motherf**ker!"

Irish Independent

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