We reveal Bank Inquiry report
Today, in a world exclusive, the Sunday Independent can reveal the final report of the Banking Inquiry, as agreed by everyone. Before we present the report in full we should explain that the report is now a lot shorter than people expected. Having started out as 750 pages, by the time everyone had agreed to everything, the report had been whittled down to just 400 words or so, which is coincidentally just enough to fill this space. The important thing to remember is that while these are only 400 words, they are 400 words on which all parties agree.
Chapter 1: Executive summary
There is no doubt that some bad things happened; but really it's very hard to say whose fault these things were, even if that was what we were supposed to do, which it isn't. We would like to reveal in this report that it was all Fianna Fail's fault, but we can't. This was a shocking waste of everyone's time.