Thursday 23 February 2017

Star Wars: The Farce Awakens

Brendan O'Connor

Brendan O'Connor

Bertie Ahern. Photo: David Conachy
Bertie Ahern. Photo: David Conachy

A long time ago in a Galaxy far, far away there was a big boom and the boom was getting boomier. This Galaxy was run by an Empire and the Empire was led by a man called Bert Vader. The Force was strong in this one. The people of the Galaxy loved Bert Vader, and he would walk among them, and it was a time of plenty, and he gave the people what they wanted and nobody was really complaining. There was, you could say, a New Hope.

But then Bert Vader went to the dark side, and the Galaxy was taken over by Jabba the Cowen, who came from the planet Offaly. And then the ECB Death Star turned on the Galaxy and the people. It turned out then that a small robot called C3Patrick Honohan was carrying a message from the Death Star that the people had to accept a bailout and he accidentally broadcast this message on the radio.

Even though Jabba the Cowen and his stormtroopers denied it and shook their heads vehemently, it came to pass that the people had to accept a bailout, and there was a time of great darkness.

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