Mid-life crisis: Something to remember me by...
I was listening to uplifting self-helpy podcasts, with Americans, who sounded tanned and toothy, telling me how to feel better. I lulled myself to sleep with them at night, thinking they might have some secrets as to how I could snap out of my mood. But they were making me feel worse. Because before they got to the solutions, they kept talking about the problems, and in a really judgmental way. And I was usually asleep by the time they got to the solutions. I may as well have been trying to put myself to sleep listening to a tape that just repeated "You are a piece of sh*t".
I'd been feeling a bit flat for a few weeks. I think the end of the summer kicked it off and then it just spiralled a bit. I felt I was going through the motions with life. I was having trouble seeing the good in things.
I did all the things you're supposed to do. I tried to exercise a lot despite not feeling like it. I didn't really drink, despite feeling like it. I kept putting one foot in front of the other, while all around me, everything and everyone was really annoying me. But I didn't blame them, I blamed myself, obviously.