Thursday 19 October 2017

Mid-life crisis: Something to remember me by...

Seek out the things that feed your soul, like music, singing and bouncing
Seek out the things that feed your soul, like music, singing and bouncing
Brendan O'Connor

Brendan O'Connor

I was listening to uplifting self-helpy podcasts, with Americans, who sounded tanned and toothy, telling me how to feel better. I lulled myself to sleep with them at night, thinking they might have some secrets as to how I could snap out of my mood. But they were making me feel worse. Because before they got to the solutions, they kept talking about the problems, and in a really judgmental way. And I was usually asleep by the time they got to the solutions. I may as well have been trying to put myself to sleep listening to a tape that just repeated "You are a piece of sh*t".

I'd been feeling a bit flat for a few weeks. I think the end of the summer kicked it off and then it just spiralled a bit. I felt I was going through the motions with life. I was having trouble seeing the good in things.

I did all the things you're supposed to do. I tried to exercise a lot despite not feeling like it. I didn't really drink, despite feeling like it. I kept putting one foot in front of the other, while all around me, everything and everyone was really annoying me. But I didn't blame them, I blamed myself, obviously.

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