Tuesday 26 September 2017

Hollywood's Cameron Diaz is my new hygiene heroine

Cameron Diaz
Cameron Diaz
Brendan O'Connor

Brendan O'Connor

I have decided to go all Cameron Diaz. I think, subconsciously, this is a response to the fact that my wife has gone all Gwyneth Paltrow. Some interfering biddy gave her Gwynnie's lifestyle book and suddenly the house is like a health food shop. We seem to have all kinds of flour, except actual flour. There's wholemeal spelt flour, rice flour, coconut flour ... you name it. She is even making her own nut butter at this stage. Sometimes I come home suddenly and catch her with a green smoothie. I suspect kale is involved. There are whole parts of the fridge I don't even look into anymore. I am getting seriously worried she is going to grow some interesting facial hair and start foraging.

I'm saying nothing though, because I'm not completely crazy. And I'm finding the wholemeal spelt bread OK once I drown it in enough butter, which is a rule of thumb that I find applies to everything.

The kids seem to be happy enough too. The six-year-old, truth be told, is a bit of a health Nazi. She carefully monitors my salt intake on the boiled eggs every morning and frequently has stern words with me about my sugar intake. I'll be slipping into the TV with a handful of jelly beans of an evening and I'll hear "Daddy! What have you got there?!"

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