Enda's unseen Trump speech
Hello Washington. Good evening White House. I'm Enda Kenny and let me tell you it's been a long road for me to get here today with this precious shamrock. Shamrock is scarcer than lettuce this year and there were those who said we shouldn't waste it on you people.
Indeed, a bit like Mayo in an All Ireland, there were many who said I'd never be here again. But I have a rolling calendar of events keeping me going and I'll be damned if I'm giving up on it. Roll on Tokyo, that's what I say. How would it look if I, as president, I mean Taoiseach, of Ireland was not at the 2020 Olympics to represent us? But tell that to Leo.
Before I give the main speech, I was supposed to read you a long list of complaints about you Mr Trump. It was written by Katherine Zappone and it was added to by Shane Ross, who seems to have come down with late-onset leftiedom in his old age.