Thursday 27 October 2016

A quick guide to everything

Published 11/09/2016 | 02:30

Minister for Skills John Halligan Photo: Tom Burke
Minister for Skills John Halligan Photo: Tom Burke

Many of you have been writing in to ask what exactly is going on. It seems people are confused and finding things a bit chaotic. This week, in the first of an occasional column, we will be answering some of your questions. First up is A Leahy (Mrs), who asks: "Have we a government?"

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The answer is that of course we have a government for the time being, but judging by our postbag it seems that many of you, like Mrs Leahy, do not notice it. Many of you are also unsure about who is in the Government.

John Smedley from the Midlands is typical of many of you when he asks: "Who is actually in this Government? And who is in charge? Yours, J Smedley, Midlands."

Well, John, that's not an easy question. The Government is made up of Fine Gael and a bunch of other people who are all ministers. It would be fair to say that most of them don't know what they are doing or what they are supposed to be doing. John Halligan, for example, is the Minister for Skills. No one, least of all him, knows what that means right now. Fianna Fail are not in the Government but they seem to be in charge as much as anyone is.

Which leads us on to our next query, from Gus, from Clonmel, who asks: "Why should the Government build another meth lab in Waterford? Indeed, why did they build one there at all in the first place?" Good question, Gus. Maybe read the papers more carefully.

Agnes, from Goatstown writes in to ask: "What's going on with Apple and the €13bn?" Well, Agnes, it's difficult to say right now, but it seems that Apple owes us money and we don't want it - but we now owe Spain, Austria and possibly France a big slice of that cash. Because we are Irish it is thought we will borrow against our children and our children's children to pay these people every cent they claim we owe them.

Speaking of which, Benny Brown from Cork asks: "What is courage? I was under the impression that bravery was people revealing things on the internet. Was I wrong?"

Yes, Benny, you were. Courage is putting no headphone jack on a phone that costs a grand. Courage is also paying no tax while making the world a better place and doing no evil.

Sean from Monasterboice asks: "I am not sure what to think about Pat Hickey any more. Please let me know where we stand on this matter as I have bridge tonight so I will need to know for the chat between rubbers."

Well, Sean, the general consensus is that we all might have gone a bit over the top on the Pat Hickey thing originally, so now we are all being a bit cooler. We are not exactly hugely sympathetic but neither are we dancing on his grave. Hopefully that clears everything up for this week.

Sunday Independent

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