Who needs a man when you've got your pension book?
Published 19/05/2014 | 02:30
I DIDN'T need anything but I still went to the shop in the hope of meeting the woman who hasn't had sex for 37 years. She was a no show. I'd have stayed longer but the rain was drizzling down in an annoying way. Annoying like those little mini ribs of hair that stick to the collar of your shirt after a trip to the barber.
I'll bet you feel itchy just thinking about it.
The worst ones are the sneaky, tiny clipped ribs that somehow find their way to the middle of your back. How they get there is a complete friggin' mystery. The hairdresser puts a towel around your neck and your clothes are tight enough but the little rogue mini rib still makes its way to the part of your back you can't quite reach.