If Trump doesn't win over there - beware his plans for Clare
Published 14/12/2015 | 02:30
And the worst part of it all is that if Donald Trump fails to win the Republican nomination, well then his next target will be Ireland. We have an exclusive here for you: The Donald wants to become The Taoiseach, and he has chosen a tried and tested route.
We will get back to the Irish angle soon enough and the possible banning of Tipperary people from entry into a certain neighbouring county over a narrow border bridge.
I was trying for ages and ages to think up a one-word description of Donald. 'Bigot' came to mind, as did 'warmonger'. 'Megalomaniac' was a definite. And in a kinder moment, even the word 'entrepreneur' was a possibility. After all, the man has built very high buildings, usually called after himself, and he is very wealthy. 'Demagogue' is my favourite though at the moment.
A demagogue plays to the worst vices and prejudices of the vulgar mob and tells them what they want to hear.
To tell the truth, I couldn't have cared much about him or what he got up to until he proposed a ban on all Muslims entering the US.
Hitler wasn't getting anywhere much with his political career until he picked on the Jews and blamed them for all the troubles of the world.
Now I'm not suggesting for a minute that Donald is intent on slaughtering all Muslims in death camps, but you would be sort of just a big bit uneasy about the man having access to the red button on the nuclear Playstation.
He's going well in the polls in America. I'd say he thinks everyone loves him, even the Muslims. Donald says the Muslims told him, "Donald, you brought something up to the fore that is so brilliant and so fantastic."
He didn't actually mention the Muslims' names.
I suppose we better give him his say. When asked if was upset about being compared to Hitler, who proposed a ban on all Jews in Germany, Donald replied: "If that were true, it would bother me tremendously. But of course if you were a racist you probably wouldn't care. But if things are true, it would bother me. But if it's so false, and honestly I don't hear it often."
Ah really. Go on. Donald, it seems, ducks reality at every opportunity.
There's a difference though. Hitler banned the Jews from leaving Germany. Donald will not let the Muslims into the United States.
So the Muslim son goes to visit his father who is sick in England but he's not allowed back into the US. That sort of thing is just one of the many human rights abuses Donald will visit on the Muslims who love him so much.
Here's what I think happened. Donald is always getting big, huge ideas like the building of a hotel here or knocking one down there. That sort of thing. So he talks the ideas out without thinking and then at some meeting the ideas are evaluated by his staff and the mad ones are kicked out. But there was no filter for his travel ban on Muslims.
Now the mad plan has turned on Donald. There are moves to have him banned from entering Great Britain. You can be sure that the next time Donald arrives in Ireland he will not be met by ministers and colleens playing harps. Indeed, we have anti- discrimination laws - and banning people on religious grounds would be a breach of our laws.
Donald bought the Doonbeg Golf Resort in Co Clare. Are Muslims welcome? I have been to the village of Doonbeg and there's no more friendly place anywhere.
But do they know of Donald's masterplan?
It was back in 1917 and us Irish were doing our very best to free Ireland from British rule. Éamon De Valera, who was to become our future leader, was nominated to run for the British House of Parliament, in Co Clare of all places.
De Valera had a resounding victory and his big win in Clare was the beginning of a hugely successful political career.
He went on to become Taoiseach and ruled Ireland as a fundamentalist and conservative leader for many years.
So Donald, who knows his history, sees this hotel and golf course for sale in Clare and he decides to buy it up. Everyone here is thrilled because there will be a large investment and jobs.
So far so good. But we know Donald's real plan. He wants to acquire Ireland. And just like De Valera, he will put his name forward as a candidate in the forthcoming general election.
Today a hotel, tomorrow a country, and as Donald very much likes calling his acquisitions after himself, his people could rebrand Ireland as Trumpland.
The ancient sport of hurling gets hot and heavy come summertime when Clare meets Tipperary in the Munster championship. The rumours are that Donald will ban all Tipperary people from entering Clare. The bridge between Ballina and Killaloe will be covered with barbed wire.
I have no doubt but that the decent people of Clare will reject Donald at the polls. There might be an employment stimulus though. Donald is looking at building nuclear silos in West Clare, which is that bit nearer to the Middle East than the United States.
Ah, but if Donald only moved faster. Sure he could have bought the whole country a few years back in the middle of the recession. There would be no need for elections and Donald could have banned and bombed away to his heart's content.
In the meantime, Donald will have to make do with ruling America.