A guide to the intricacies of the female form from a thoroughly 'modern man'
Published 07/09/2015 | 02:30
Women are trying to do away with men. The evidence is compelling. The invention of the female orgasm tablet was the final straw. We are doomed. Doomed, I say.
I suppose we only have ourselves to blame. Men, that is. For years, the Irish definition of foreplay was "pull across the curtains".
Then you phone the lads down in the pub to tell them you won't be long. And make sure you say to tell the barman to start a nice creamy pint of Guinness. "Sure won't it be settled by the time I'll be done here with herself."