Sunday 4 December 2016

Brendan O'Connor: 'Triathlons are as close as most Irish guys will ever get to a threesome'

I am in training for nothing. Deal with it

Published 08/08/2016 | 02:30

Competitors in Triathlon entering the water for the swimming leg
Competitors in Triathlon entering the water for the swimming leg

I feel I should be in training for something. Everyone seems to be in training for something. Have you noticed that? It's especially true at my age. Guys my age are always in training for something. It mainly involves triathlons and variations thereon - sprint triathlons and ironman triathlons and so on.

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Triathlons are the national craze. Presumably it's as close as most Irish guys will ever get to a threesome. So it's not enough any more that some people run, some people cycle, and some people swim. Now everyone has to do all three, at the same time. Not only am I not in training for a triathlon, I don't even know how they work. Do you dry yourself after the swim and then get on a bike? That would slow me down by ten minutes straight away. And I really only like to put on baggy comfy things after a swim, preferring to allow the body to dry fully under a pair of baggy shorts and baggy t-shirt. I certainly wouldn't be getting into the lycra after a swim. You'd need talc for that. Or maybe they leave the swimming until the end. Maybe they swim in the lycra. I don't know, and I certainly won't be finding out. The less I know about these things the better. I find a good way to achieve doing less in this world is to know as little as possible. Once you know about things there is always a minor chance you will end up doing them. Whereas what you don't know will never end up hurting you.

So anyway, getting back to me, I am in training for nothing. And some people seem to find this a bit pointless. It's as if I am wasting my life by not having some goal that I am pushing myself towards, something that is forcing me to confront myself and challenge myself and grow as a person. But the way I see it, there is enough of my present mortgaged for the future in terms of an actual mortgage without me deciding to start mortgaging my free time as well, for something I will do in the future that will then be done and then I will just move on and have to find some other goal, some other thing that I am "in training" for.

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