News Opinion

Thursday 8 December 2016

As the light fails, my superpowers grow

Published 13/06/2016 | 02:30

These bizarre devices would only diminish Brendan's supersight.
These bizarre devices would only diminish Brendan's supersight.

I note that type is getting smaller. Not just in the newspapers. Magazines, books, menus. . . It's everywhere. It seems to be a uniform phenomenon across everything I read. It's obviously a new thing. Just like trousers and shirts are getting tighter.

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If you are noticing this thing in your reading material too, don't worry. I have a solution. You just need to hold things a bit further away. You will find that the more it goes on, the further away you have to hold things. I am thinking of investing in a selfie stick, just to get those extra inches of distance that makes the type clearer. My wife says I will soon have to leave the room and back out the door fully, while leaving the item I am reading in the first room.

I am aware that this all seems like a contradiction, having to hold it further away because the type is too small. You would think if writing was too small you would want it nearer your eyes. But trust me, nearer is bad news. Almost makes you nauseous. It's obviously something built into these new small typefaces they have come up with - the further away, the clearer they become. Some kind of gimmick or optical illusion thing. But it's good news too. Because presumably the fact that I can read small type from further away means there's nothing wrong with my eyesight.

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