Yes, minister, you must fly economy
Sunday August 23 2009
Did you know that a government minister gains one pound of weight for every two months in office? The news that the front bench is under strain was broken on Wednesday's Breakfast Show on Newstalk by co-presenter Ivan Yates. The former Fine Gael minister revealed that weight gain is an occupational hazard for those who are forced to eat endless delicious five-course gourmet meals on trade delegations, before retiring to their five-star hotel to pack for their business-class flight home the next day if the government jet is already booked to fly some other minister from the Dail to Upper Leeson Street.
Well, enough of that. This week the Department of Finance decided that state business can actually be carried out by people who travel on cheap flights and stay in three-star hotels. So next time you're tapped on the shoulder in your economy-class aisle seat, don't be surprised to find a government minister asking if he can get in. And don't be so cruel as to glance at his gourmet girth and reply, "I doubt it, but, sure, give it a go anyway."
If he does manage to fit in the seat, make sure to help him adjust to his new surroundings. Tell him to ignore the pictures on the shiny, laminated menu. By the time the trolley gets to him it will be Pringles or that cheese sandwich they failed to sell on the inbound flight. Remind him he'll have to pay. Tell him to stop waiting for the hostess to bring down a spare bottle of champagne. It will never happen, not even if you call her "love". Agree with him that it's weird to see people selling scratch cards in an aeroplane, but you get used to it after a while.
And finally, if he asks could he take the receipt for your cup of coffee, just say yes, minister. The poor guy is only trying to make ends meet.
Pat Fitzpatrick
- Pat Fitzpatrick
