Sex is for sale, but you can't buy love
We should teach our children to value sex, respect themselves and protect the vulnerable, writes Louis Leahy
Sunday November 22 2009
There is a reason why soliciting for prostitution and brothel-keeping are illegal. They are illegal because the people who gain most from these activities prey on the most vulnerable.
One of those who gained most was model-turned-madam Samantha Blandford-Hutton. Born into a wealthy newsagent dynasty, in the 1990s Blandford-Hutton was the ultimate Dublin 'It' girl.
But the beautiful former model became the first person in this country to be convicted of organised prostitution in 2001. Her addiction to cocaine earned her the nickname 'The Snow Queen' and, desperate to feed her habit, she turned to prostitution.
Through her brother's girlfriend, she became a madam, providing wealthy businessmen with high-class hookers, and at one point was believed to be making more than €10,000 a week.
But when gardai raided the so-called Penthouse Pets brothel in the Pearse Street Winter Garden complex in September 1999, and found Blandford and another woman in the company of a male client and four other women, her reign as Ireland's most successful madam was over.
Another lesser known Dublin woman, Deena Edridge, became the first woman in the history of the State to be jailed for organising prostitution.
Edridge was paid €50,000 to manage a city-centre brothel of 16 prostitutes and two receptionists. The brothel had an estimated annual turnover of €4m.
While the authorities have had some successes then, it appears that little education is targeted at ensuring that the laws are complied with.
However, I think to really make a difference we need to get to the root of the problem: we need to protect and educate the vulnerable women. But to effectively eliminate the requirement for prostitutes in our society, we need to educate our men. Only when the need is gone will the predetators be.
Men who visit prostitutes fall into every category in our society, young and old, and are from a variety of social and economic backgrounds.
However, one common aspect is an apparent lack of education about sex. By using money to procure sex, they seem to believe it is acceptable to buy a vulnerable woman for a certain amount of time to satisfy their sexual urges.
The general perception of prostitution is that it doesn't really happen that much on our own doorsteps. The reality is that it takes place everywhere, including Ireland, and it is in some ways accepted as just another activity.
We are content to educate our kids about the dangers of drinking and taking drugs, but tend to give little consideration to educating our kids about sex -- except for the short discussions we have about the facts of life.
Teaching children to value sex and to value each other is of paramount importance. Teaching our kids to respect their bodies and respect people who may be more vulnerable than them is an equally valuable lesson. These lessons need to be taught in the classroom, too.
Prostitution is, sadly, a fact of life and many children grow up not knowing any of these facts. The real facts. That all women who enter prostitution, either by force or by "choice", are doing so because they are victims. Victims of a society where anything goes -- at a price. Your son may never visit a prostitute. Some may "try one" once for the fun -- but others, tragically, will develop serious sexual appetites which make them become victims themselves.
Sexual addiction is a taboo subject in our society. Yes, we accept you can be an alcoholic or a drug addict, and you can have a gambling problem, but a sex addiction? Surely that sort of addiction is only reserved for the rich and famous, the Michael Douglases of this world.
Sex addiction is far more commonplace than you might care to think. However, as it tends to be kept secret more so than most addictions, it tends to be an isolated pursuit. But it was no surprise to learn from a senior member of staff at a well known addiction centre that admissions are significantly on the rise.
Alarming numbers of men are seeking help through organisations such as SLAA (Sex, Love Addicts Anonymous) and at clinics like the Rutland in Dublin.
One expert said addiction often stemmed initially from use of pornography, and progressed to using prostitutes. However, some people had either committed, or knew they were about to commit, a serious sex crime. It seems to be a gradual process of which use of prostitution is an inevitable part.
Many men simply find it difficult to meet girls. The prospect of paying someone to pretend for an hour is more attractive to many than sitting at home alone, crying about it. However, you cannot pay to have your emotional needs fulfilled.
Originally published in
