Revealed: Herr Kenny's speech
The Sunday Independent has exclusively obtained in advance the script for Enda Kenny's address to the nation this evening. We carry it here in full.
'GOOD evening my fellow citizens. My name is Enda Kenny and I stand before you here tonight to scare the shit out of you further.
I know many of you have already had it sufficiently scared out of you with various wild threats about the Budget that may or may not be true. But that was nothing. Tonight, I kick off a three-day festival of fear, which we hope will become an annual Christmas tradition to rival The Late Late Toy Show.