Poor groom should flee this comedy of manners
One positive thing about the pre-marital bust-up over etiquette is it makes the rest of us look good, writes Matthew Norman
If human history's most pitiable groom-to-be should be reading this, I hope he will forgive this avuncular advice. Freddie Bourne, you are too young to remember either John Stonehouse or the original version of The Fall and Rise of Reginald Perrin.
Time is very short, so to spare you the bother of googling the former and buying the DVD box set of the latter, this is the gist. Both men left their clothes on a beach to fake suicide by drowning, and vanished to begin a new life. Take heed, Freddie, and do the same. Disappear forthwith, forge a new identity, and never come back.
Well, he'd be insane to hang around, wouldn't he, trapped in a pincer movement between his warring stepmother and the fiancée at whose alleged poor manners the former has taken such violent and unwittingly public umbrage.