O'Donoghue throws toys out of cot after tantrums and tirades
It came right out of the blue. "The House is suspended," barked the ceann comhairle as he shot out of his seat and exited the chamber at such a blinding speed that one expected to hear a sonic boom in his wake.
A perplexed silence fell over the chamber, which moments before had been alive with the sound of bickering.
A taken-aback Taoiseach looked at the empty chair, not entirely sure if he had just witnessed John O'Donoghue throwing his toys out of the cot, while, across the floor, his sparring-buddy Enda was equally bewildered by the suddenness of it all.
Perhaps it's end-of-term fatigue setting in, allied to an endless stream of bad news about banks, employment, Exchequer returns, levies, cuts and closures, but the Dail denizens were in cranky form yesterday morning. There were spats, scraps and squabbles breaking out all over the place.
It appeared to be business as usual for most of Leaders' Questions, with Brian fending off a variety of half-hearted attacks from the Opposition. But then towards the end, one verbal spear flung by Eamon Gilmore on the foot-dragging by banks in providing credit to businesses appeared to pierce the Taoiseach's skin. He rose to reply and got stuck in.
He first dismissed Fine Gael's plan to tackle the issue as "the Lehman Brothers solution and we see where that got us", then scoffed at Labour's proposals for the banking situation as "a preemptive nationalisation of all banks. That is the Icelandic model and we know where that got us", he insisted, stabbing the air with his hand, as roars of protest rose from the opposition benches.
But Brian was wide awake now and ready for a spot of his favourite sport -- winding up the Blueshirts. He then refuted criticisms of his Smart Economy plan. "In regard to the Smart Economy document, I'm glad it's getting some belated support. We are trebling research and development in this country, with €2.5bn spent this year.
"When we came into office 12 years ago, the research spend was zero. Not €1bn or €500m but zero," he taunted, holding up his fingers in the shape of a zero. "So much for the visionaries on the benches opposite," he sniped as the decibel levels rose across the chamber.
As this came right at the end of Leaders' Questions, a simmering Enda had no chance to reply. So the Fine Gael leader instead rose up out of the long grass during the following session of Taoiseach's Questions, when a long and fractious wrangle broke out between himself and Brian over what exact question Enda had asked about the schools building programme.
The Taoiseach claimed Enda had asked if the whole programme was to be axed. Enda insisted that this wasn't what he had asked at all. Did, said Brian. Didn't, said Enda.
"I did not ask if the schools building programme has been suspended," Enda tetchily informed the ceann comhairle who was trying (in vain) to keep the peace.
"A suggestion was made that no school building was taking place," shrugged Brian. But now Enda was on his feet. "The Taoiseach has made an outrageous remark. No such suggestion was made," he snapped.
But Brian was in no mood to humour Enda. "Deputy Kenny does not know what he asked. That is his problem," he sniped.
Enda was in a right lather by now. "Is there something wrong with the Taoiseach's hearing? I did not ask him if he would axe the schools building programme," he persisted.
"Here we go again," grumbled Brian with a theatrical sigh in the direction of the ceann comhairle, as if to convey that it wasn't his fault the Opposition was acting up.
But despite the narky quarrel, both Brian and Enda were bamboozled when the red mist settled on O'Donoghue and he suddenly suspended the House for 10 minutes to give everyone a chance to simmer down.
"Ah, come back," wailed Fine Gael's Padraic McCormack who was enjoying the barney.
Sadly, the ceann comhairle's tactic didn't work. Before long, insults were flying around the Order of Business. And the Taoiseach didn't take too kindly to having Eamon Gilmore point out that he hadn't given the actual month-on-month number of new people on the live register (21,721), but the less-damning seasonally adjusted increase (11,400).
"The Taoiseach was obviously giving a reply that was designed to make the figures look as attractive as possible from the Government's point of view," suggested Eamon.
"I am not making any distinction. Any extra person going on the live register is a bad day," protested Brian defensively. But the barracking continued non-stop.
"This is a parliament, not a kindergarten," sniffed Brian.
In truth, all the Dail chamber needed were a few animals made out of plasticine, some hand-painted drawings on the walls and a naughty step, and it would have been hard to tell the difference.
