Lise Hand: Brendan finds his Big Deal a hard sell in the Dail
So what are you giving up for Lent, then, Brendan? "Well," sez the minister with an air of sanctimonious self-satisfaction, "I'm giving up loads of things -- gas, trees, airlines, just for starters. But not the electricity, mind, for that's too complicated".
It might have been Ash Wednesday -- or Assets Wednesday, more like -- but there was neither a shred of sackcloth nor a hint of penitence about Brendan Howlin yesterday as he unveiled his plan to sell off the family jewels, aka a range of state assets including Bord Gais, Aer Lingus and Coillte, but excluding the ESB.
On the contrary, Bargain Brendan was quite chuffed over the whole palaver. For a start, it wasn't a sell-all sale anyway.
He is giving up the trees to the highest bidder, but not the ground they grow in.
Likewise, the business end of Bord Gais is up for grabs, but not big yokes that distribute it to cookers and radiators and the like.
"Strategically the proposals make a lot of sense," he reckoned, speaking at the press conference yesterday morning.
A press conference, oddly enough, which exactly coincided with the start of Leaders Questions in the Dail. One would think that stealing a Taoiseach's spotlight is a risky proposition for a cabinet minister.
Moreover, Bargain Brendan was adamant that all those bits of Aer Lingus and Coillte and Bord Gais would not just be put up on eBay or hurriedly sold out of the minister's boot of his Beemer to appease the troika.
"There's no deadline," he explained. "This is a complicated, difficult process. We're doing this in a measured and careful way," he said. "Nothing will be sold unless it presents good value, fair value for the taxpayer."
Hmmm. Surely this is all a bit of that soggy firework, otherwise known as a damp squib? It certainly isn't a massive clear-out. It's not a case of Brendan selling the eye out of one's head and coming back for the lash. But this is Brendan's Big Deal.
He eagerly insisted that he and his colleagues had wrestled the wimps from the troika to the ground over what would happen to the dosh raised by luring moneymen to buy or invest in these assets.
Oh, it was great news, altogether.
Thanks to the Government's "strongly argued views" during "protracted discussions", instead of being gobbled up by the ravenous maw of the Anglo beast or being meekly handed over to the troika, a third of the cash raised from the sales would be rescued and put to a useful purpose.
"The troika has agreed that we can use one-third of the total value of money raised from the state assets sales to invest in job creation," he proclaimed.
If Bargain Brendan was delighted by the whole wheeze, it was met by some grumbling in the Dail. Gerry Adams, for one, was unhappy that the announcement hadn't been made in the chamber.
"Is there something odd in that it takes a leader of Sinn Fein to tell this chamber what the Government is doing, or that the Government does not tell deputies what is happening?" he grizzled.
"It was on the national radio," said Enda helpfully.
"I don't think the Taoiseach can see the wood for the trees," mused Mattie McGrath.
Bargain Brendan did miss a trick though -- he could've sold a few forests to hurley-makers.
Well, it was Ash Wednesday, after all.
- Lise Hand
Irish Independent
