Lise Hand: Baldemort unbroken -- even with pate above parapet
Michael Noonan strolled into the Dail chamber for his question time yesterday afternoon with a nonchalant air. And why wouldn't he be feeling a tad nonchalant? While the Taoiseach has been taking dog's abuse for the past few weeks on all sorts of thorny topics such as paying Anglo bondholders and signing up to fiscal treaties, the Finance minister has managed with admirable agility to keep his shining pate below the parapet.
In fact, he even manages to give off the air of somebody who actually enjoys fending off attacks from the Opposition. And, when proceedings are in danger of getting mired in a welter of turgid figures, he reaches into his rucksack of red herrings, colourful metaphors and cheery put-downs, and lobs a random verbal grenade across the floor.
Fianna Fail's Michael McGrath was busily haranguing him about budget deficits when the minister decided to take the scenic route in his reply.
"You will remember the Warren Buffet quotation that it is only when the tide goes out that one discovers who has been swimming naked," he mused.
"The Fianna Fail and the Green Party government was supposed to be running surpluses but was actually running structural deficits. The tide went out and they were left naked with the waves lapping around their ankles and nowhere to go," he added, conjuring up a more appalling image than was strictly necessary.
After all, the nation still isn't the better for seeing an oil painting of our last Taoiseach in the nip.
It was only a matter of time before one of the Opposition decided to bring up the matter of how the Taoiseach found himself on the slippery slope in Davos after his "people went mad spending" statement was met with a frosty reception.
Inevitably, Independent deputy Richard Boyd Barrett was out of the traps like the eager wee terrier that he is.
"Does the minister agree that, in the context of seeking any relief on the debt burden, the Taoiseach's comments in Davos were stupid and reckless?" he demanded.
Michael didn't turn a hair (well he wouldn't, would he?) as he regarded the cheeky whippersnapper opposite him.
"The Taoiseach was speaking conversationally in a question and answer session," he shrugged, before sliding in a quick stiletto.
"If I told you that the people of Dun Laoghaire believe you are the best public representative in the greater Dublin area, it would not mean every one of them stated that view.
"The Taoiseach's reference to 'the people' is a manner of speaking.
"He did not mean that everybody in Ireland was to blame for what happened. Some people in Ireland, at political, banking and developer level, were to blame for what happened. The Taoiseach used a colloquialism. An awful lot was made of a normal way of expressing oneself," concluded Michael with a Socratic flourish.
But Richard's feistiness was obviously preying on the minister's mind, for in the middle of answering another deputy's question some time later, Michael suddenly announced, "I am actually thinking of taking my holidays out in Dun Laoghaire next year -- the sunny southeast. I want to mix with some wealthy people, like Deputy Richard Boyd Barrett's neighbours out there."
Richard looked a bit dubious. Michael might be in jolly form today, but he can be scary.
Yesterday in the British parliament, David Cameron described a follically challenged shadow minister as "Baldemort".
And that's poor Richard's dilemma -- he might invite Benign Michael to his house for tea, but then who turns up with a packet of custard creams and a thirsty expression?
Baldemort.
Irish Independent
