Eamon huffed and puffed but Brian's house still stood firm
His blood was up, for sure -- he had already taken the head off Fianna Fail's Johnny Brady
EAMON Gilmore was hopping mad. Fit to be tied, he was. The Labour leader was sick, sore and tired of trying to get his noggin around the latest labyrinthine wheeze hatched by the Government to slow the financial market's lemming-like stampede over the cliff-face.
Eamon was as disappointed as a bold child on Christmas morning.
He was expecting a shiny red bicycle in the form of a gleaming, detailed and progressive plan for economic reform, and it was beginning to dawn on him that what he would be getting was a lump of coal.
He started off calmly.
"When will we see this economic recovery plan that the Taoiseach has been dining over in Farmleigh?" he sniped. But as a satisfactory answer failed to be forthcoming, the steam began to escape from his ears.
He glared over at the Government front bench.
"I will be absolutely clear lest there be any doubt. This Government is appalling. It is a deadbeat Government," he fumed.
"It is not able to lead this country out of the problems it created in the first place. It has driven us into the worst economic problem the country has experienced in decades.''
However, it seems that he felt he should content himself with sniping and restrain from letting fly with both barrels.
"The one thing that constrains me in saying what I really want to say about the incompetence and the lack of drive, initiative and effort on the part of the Government, is that I might cause damage by doing so!" he declared rather dramatically.
What sort of major insult was he commendably refraining from hurling at the group across the chamber floor?
Was he afraid that he might lose the head altogether and start scattering a flurry of unparliamentary effs? His blood was up, for sure -- he had already taken the head off Fianna Fail's Johnny Brady. "Ah, would you ever shut up!" he roared at the heckling backbencher.
Or was he hinting that he possessed information about some piece of skullduggery or acting the maggot executed by the Government, but was reluctant to spook an already rattled electorate during the festive season?
The Taoiseach, perhaps sensing that the red mist had settled on his opponent's shoulders, opted not to ask the Tanaiste to hold his jacket. He kept his cool and took it on the chin.
"The deputy can do all the name calling he wants because he is good at it. That is part of the rough and tumble of politics and I have no problem with it," he shrugged philosophically.
But at the same time, all of the Labour leader's huffing and puffing wasn't going to change the Taoiseach's mind about another issue which was exercising Eamon -- the 40-day hollier which begins tomorrow. "Bring back the Dail on January 7," Eamon demanded.
Brian was having none of it, and tried to explain that the Government wouldn't all be off lying on loungers in Lanzarote for the six weeks. They would in fact be Working Hard, he earnestly assured an irate Eamon.
"The committees will return on January 7 and we will be involved in trade delegations to support Irish industry abroad," he said in a deliberately non-glamorous reference to his upcoming trade trip to Tokyo next month.
"We will ensure the Government returns on January 7. The Government is working hard, despite what Deputy Gilmore wants to say," he added.
The only deputy with any hint of festive cheer about him in the chamber was the Independent Republic of Finian McGrath who sat in the back row of the benches, merrily opening his Christmas cards -- one of which appeared to be from the Taoiseach, which shows there are no hard feelings from the boss over his post-Budget protest legger from Government.
But Eamon Gilmore did cheer up later in the morning's proceedings. He decided to wind up the Taoiseach during the Order of Business by enquiring on the whereabouts of the Environment Minister John Gormley.
"An bhfuil an flu air?" he wondered as Gaeilge. "Has he gone completely AWOL? Does he accept there is single-party government?"
Outside the chamber, John Gormley's aghast press spokesman rushed to assure the press that his minister was Working Hard. "He's in the Seanad!" he explained eagerly.
The reporters scanned the in-house cameras. Like a political Where's Wally, John was nowhere in sight. "Oh no he isn't!" they chorused gleefully.
And late yesterday evening, the Government finally released the title of their much-awaited plan to save the nation. It's called 'Building Ireland's Smart Economy -- A Framework for Sustainable Economic Renewal'.
Wow. Snappy title. It'll be number one bestseller for Crimbo for sure.
- Lise Hand
