Chopra's cock-up leaves him open to having the Michael extracted
Ajai Chopra. Photo: Steve Humphreys
Maybe Ajai Chopra had read or heard the phrase somewhere, and thought it had an elegant, simple ring to it. Moreover, it sounded sort of complimentary, and the IMF bigwig is a very polite pooh bah anyway.
And it's a tough task trying to convince the beleaguered citizenry of Ireland that the bailout is a Good Thing and doesn't represent the overthrow of democracy, and sure not to worry as we'll get our sovereignty back in a few years.
And so Ajai carefully explained it to the rows of media crammed into the Troika's press conference.
"This programme is a lifeline for Ireland," he said in his slightly plummy accent. And then he paused before delivering his new soundbite.
"It represents an Irish solution to Irish problems."
He looked a bit perplexed as titters and sniggers and chuckles rose from the locals massed in front of him. Oh dear. Poor ol' Chopper -- how was he to know that particular expression has all sorts of unfortunate connotations after it fell in with a very bad crowd years ago?
Sure wasn't it thrown around like snuff at a wake way back in 1979 during the ructions over the introduction of a bill by then-Health Minister Charlie Haughey? This radical piece of legislation allowed married couples armed with a medical prescription to purchase from a liberal-minded pharmacist those dreadful rubber thingies for family planning.
Charlie claimed the bill was "an Irish solution to an Irish problem" -- a phrase which was immediately and repeatedly flung back in his face by trenchant critics of the bill and which became synonymous with any political action which was a half-cocked, spineless compromise.
Ajai has learned lots about Ireland since last November, when the IMF answered Biffo's call. But he has yet to become wary of adopting the lingo of our colloquial nation.
For instance, if Mr Chopra were to request of our Finance Minister that he should place a tax on children's shoes, and Mr Noonan were to reply, "I will in my swiss, Ajai", he must understand that this is not an enthusiastic answer in the affirmative.
However, this minor linguistic misstep aside, the visit by the Troika -- or Na Tri Cigiri -- went off swimmingly. For Ajai and his two compadres, European Central Bank economist Klaus Masuch and Istvan Szekely of the European Commission, were handing out gold stars to Michael Noonan and his merry band of mandarins.
Na Tri Cigiri were full of praise for Team Enda's efforts. Istvan was bubbling over with, well, enthusiasm bureaucrat-style.
"The new government, through its Programme for Government and its decisive approach to banking-sector reforms, has taken full ownership of the goals and key elements of the EU-IMF-supported programme," he declared.
And Team Enda were making "good headway" on sorting out the banking farrago, added Ajai approvingly. And he also backed the Coalition's planned Jobs Initiative/Budget/Whatever.
"This crisis will not be over until we see jobs coming back," he agreed.
And, throughout the 45-minute question-and-answers session, the trio were scrupulous in pointing out that they aren't actually running the show -- no, really and truly. And what's more, Klaus was emphatic that the IMF/ECB/EC were all united by "the common goal of ensuring Ireland returns to strong growth and job creation".
A little while earlier, money ministers Michael Noonan and Brendan Howlin had been singing a duet from the very same IMF hymn-sheet at a press conference in Government Buildings.
The Finance Minister's speaking style is a slightly unsettling mix of avuncular and sinister. A little like Hannibal Lecter, if truth be told.
But he's a great man for stating the obvious in a thoughtful manner. "Growth," he explained earnestly, "isn't a static thing". Indeed. And when asked for an explanation as to why the government's employment-creation plan changed its name from a Jobs Budget to a Jobs Initiative, Michael mulled it over.
"I suppose the word 'budget' has connotations of pain and suffering," he concluded.
And so Ireland has passed the first test set by Na Tri Cigiri. But there can be no slacking at the back of the class -- they'll be back for Round Two in three months' time.
But even as the IMF were making soothing noises, just around the corner in the Shelbourne Hotel it was standing-room only for a fire-sale of distressed Irish properties.
On reflection, perhaps Ajai's use of the phrase "an Irish solution to an Irish problem" was particularly apt. Sure the country is screwed anyway.
Irish Independent
