We're wrecking their buzz. We in the meeja are being all negative about everything when we should be more upbeat. And, we are denigrating politics too. Politics in Ireland had been elevated to a high and noble art in Ireland, and we in the media are spoiling it for everyone.
Positive Pat has been very exercised about this. Pat Rabbitte is known for being an upbeat guy. Never sneery or smart-ass, his colleagues speak of him as an Oprah-like figure. "Positive Pat is inspirational," said one Fianna Fail TD. "Whenever I'm feeling down about anything I seek him out. One hug from Pat and I feel better, I feel I can do anything."
"He is inspirational," agreed a young Sinn Fein TD. "Particularly with all us younger TDs. Whenever we are disillusioned or down, we go to Pat for some positive vibes. He has all these great mantras: Turn that frown upside down; be the best you you can be; Love is all you need; you are beautiful, no matter what they say.
"Some days, even when it's not someone's birthday, Pat will make buns. 'Happy Wednesday!' he'll say, going around giving out buns. Pink ones for the girls and blue for the boys. Sometimes he will wear a red nose and a clown suit. You can't help but feel better."
Last week, in order to try and get the Negative Neds in the media to try and write some good news, the Government gave us a carefully planned week of good news. For starters they rammed home to us that we are the kings of Europe right now. We are the presidents. Just like, em, Cyprus or someone last year and someone else before that. The Presidency of Europe, we were told, is an opportunity to get whatever you want, just the way Cyprus or whoever, and all the others did before.
There were new ties made up so everyone matched, and then all these people from Europe came here for press conferences in which they were forced to say we would be getting a banking deal. And anyone who said we weren't getting a banking deal was ignored.
We don't have time for that kind of negativity. And the promissory note deal is imminent. Just like it has been for nearly two years now. And everyone is queuing up to loan us money and all in all things couldn't be better . . . If it wasn't for the damn media.
If Positive Pat is reading, he should look away now, because we just got the results of our latest Millward Brown poll on how the public feels and he's not going to like it. Not only are the media a bunch of buzzkills, the public are failing to feel the positive vibes. Over half the people in the country (57 per cent) are worried about paying their bills. Over half (53 per cent) are still worried about having to lower their standard of living. Over one in three (34 per cent) people are worried about having a job and one in seven (14 per cent) are worried about losing their homes.
Get the oven on there Pat. That's a lot of buns and hugs you need to give out, a lot of reality to be counteracted.