Thursday 8 December 2016

Billy Keane: Santa hanging on by his nails as elves make merry

Published 24/12/2012 | 05:00

THERE will be no lap dancing in the frozen north this Christmas. The North Pole is in meltdown. Elves are downsizing. Christmas dinner this year is roast pet reindeer. Most of the toy manufacturing has been outsourced to China. A succession of tough budgets has Santa hanging on to the edge of the fiscal cliff by his fingernails.

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If it wasn't for the Germans there would be no reindeer to pull the sleds. Donner and Blitzen are German, and so, too, is Rudolf. It seems if Santa defaults on his loans, the reindeer will be repossessed and he will never get a reindeer ever again. That's the way it is with banks. Santa is trapped. Have you ever tried to park a tractor and trailer on a slippy rooftop?

Eejits and demagogues proliferate. "Santa should pitch the bankers to hell," they say.

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