It's strange, but I've developed a very weird sense of virtue and morality as I've grown older. Placed in boarding school when I was 12, I'll be the first to say I didn't have the most normal of upbringing.

In the absence of a mother figure in my life, the main two matriarchal influences I had were slightly off the norm, to say the least. One, a nun who ran the industrial school where I was an inmate as a very young child, believed strongly in the power of prayer, the necessity of chastity and the upholding of strong moral values. The other, a feminist aunt, believed the key to female 'survival' was education and career, and contraception was given precedence over chastity. In the rural Ireland of the Seventies, she was well ahead of her time. I've adopted a hybrid of the two cultures to guide my life.

As I grow older, sometimes I feel that my sense of 'virtue' dwindles with each passing year, and my moral values can become confused, to say the least. There are times when I'll drink like a fish, swear like a trooper and smoke like a chimney. I'll turn a blind eye to friends having affairs, in principle couldn't give a toss if a person has a hundred children (as long as they could provide for them emotionally and financially) and see some of my friends' homosexuality as being none of my business as long as they're not constantly regaling me with stories of their sexual prowess. I don't need to hear from my heterosexual friends how and when they have sex so why should I be bored to tears with accounts of each and every sexual encounter my 'homo' pals indulge in?

Despite the fact that I have a wonderful husband, I have to confess to possessing a 'glad eye' where males are concerned. If it's widely seen as an acceptable male pursuit to freely eye up the opposite sex, it's more than acceptable for me. I see nothing wrong with this -- for me, it's criminal not to acknowledge the fact that women and men are meant to enjoy each other's company, it's biologically impossible not to. Having said that, although I love looking at the menus, I'll always eat at home!

And yet, in direct contradiction to all of the above, there are other occasions when I'm practically puritanical in my outlook. Although I don't follow any particular religion, and admit my spirituality is definitely well below sea level, I'm a big believer in the sanctity of marriage and its necessity in protecting family values for the sake of the children.

In my experience, life is more difficult for children who are exposed to multiple partners. I see no problem with couples living together out of wedlock until they become parents. Once there are children, there must be serious commitment to their futures. I know this wouldn't be the most popular of opinions and this isn't a dig at parents who can't or shouldn't stay together, that's a separate issue. My concern is for children born to couples who aren't prepared to commit to each other for the child, and go on to breed with other partners, seemingly with no regard for the child's emotional security. Children aren't pets or trophy toys, they're vulnerable and dependent human beings.

I'm big into financial 'virtue' and giving full value for money. If a person (me included) is paid to do a job, that job has to be done fully with no allowances. Breaking simple work rules like using mobile phones in 'non mobile' areas, or agreeing to carry out a job function and not doing it can send me into orbit. The coming in late/going home early or pulling a 'sick day' tosser can give me near cardiac arrest status.

One of my pals has a seriously annoying habit of checking public phones in case any coins are left in the 'coin return' slot, or supermarket shopping trolleys to see if any euro coins are left behind. This drives me ballistic. It might not be direct 'stealing' from a person per se, but it's taking money that doesn't belong to them, isn't it. Stealing from 'the universe'. Those coins should go into a charity box, surely.

We've all come across those on social welfare benefit who've also worked nixers on the side or -- even worse -- hyped up insurance claims for financial benefit. I was brought up to believe that this was 'bad luck' money and rightly or wrongly, would cause misfortune.

In a world that can be narcisstic and self-fulfilling, surely it's better to have mixed and conflicting morals and values rather than none at all. OK, so with my dubious outlook on life, I'll never be eligible for sainthood, but that's fine. As long as I can live with me, I'm doing very well.

fhorsmanhogan@eircom.net

Sunday Independent