Poor Biffo, or should he be called Buffo?
Aaargh! Put your clothes back on, for pity's sake. You're putting the customers off their pints!
But I wanna be a muse ...
Well I'm not amused, for one.
No, a MUSE. I want that gorilla to capture me in the pelt so my image will be beamed around the world, just like those nudie portraits of that grumpy-looking chap which turned up in newspapers all over the shop this week. Though he must've been bored while he posed, as he didn't even bring a newspaper with him into the jacks, like a sensible man.
I presume you're referring to guerrilla artist Conor Casby who caused a right palaver this week when his paintings of An Taoiseach ended up mysteriously appearing on the walls of the two galleries?
The very man. And isn't it heartening to see in these troubled times that Brian is brave enough to bare all for art's sake, despite being a fine big doorstep of a fellow? And at least it shows he has a sense of humour.
You fool. The Taoiseach didn't pose for those paintings, they were uncommissioned works. And far from seeing the funny side of it, there were ructions over the whole affair. RTE were read the riot act by the government spin doctor for broadcasting a rather juvenile report on the paintings on their evening news, but instead of telling him to take a hike, they abjectly rolled over and issued a grovelling apology the following night.
Janey. That's a bit rough. The poor artist was lucky that no-one set the Guards on him. Thank god for freedom of speech and all that.
Actually, the bizzies did get involved, and after the then-anonymous artist contacted the Ray D'Arcy show on Today FM, the station got a visit from the boys in blue who wanted the name, rank and serial number of the offending painter. But the radio boys refused to rat him out.
Have they nothing better to be doing with their time? How come they went bald-headed after a prankster when it took them ages to plod their way into Anglo-Bananas Bank?
Good question. Anyway the artist went public, and far from being a wild-eyed cultural terrorist, he turned out to be a 35-year old teacher, Conor Casby.
So what's going to happen to the poor divil?
Probably nothing. He was questioned under caution, and could be charged with criminal damage for hammering a nail into the wall of the National Gallery, but he's likely to go scot-free.
Proper order. But why did he pick on poor Biffo, or should he be called Buffo?
Conor didn't pick on him in particular. He previously painted nude portraits of Michael McDowell and Bertie Ahern without being threatened with the long arm of the law.
So what's going to happen to the nudie paintings? Will they be burned on the steps of Government Buildings?
Conor wants to sell them and donate the money to charity. Though who would want to hang Biffo in the buff over the mantelpiece is beyond me.
True. And I confess that I did find the underpants one a bit shocking.
Why?
He'd never wear blue and white. Sure they're not the Offaly colours.
