No doubt we'll be asked why we didn't pick up on it sooner, but the truth is we were too dazzled by the clothes and the snappy dialogue to notice just how amazingly self- centred Sex and the City's Carrie Bradshaw really is.

But now that SATC is on the big screen in your local multiplex, we definitely can't ignore it. And we really shouldn't be surprised because it's a theme that never faltered during the entire six series of the show - stronger even than Carrie's infatuation with Mr Big. Ms Bradshaw took self-obsession to new heights and turned the 'it's all about me' attitude into an art form. She broke confidences, stood friends up for dates and generally talked about herself too much.

So, surely the big question we should be asking when it comes to Carrie isn't 'where did she get the shoes and the handbag?', but 'how did she manage to get such a great bunch of loyal friends when she was such a lousy friend herself?'

Friendship is a hot topic these days thanks to the ever-increasing number of 'freemales': single women enjoying the single life. They're happy to divert time and energy away from the search for Mr Right and into their careers and platonic friendships.

One recent UK survey reported the number of women living alone aged between 25 and 44 has doubled in the past 20 years. Another reported that more than two-thirds of people surveyed believed they did not need a partner to enjoy a happy and fulfilled life.

Platonic relationships are not without hazards, however, so if we're choosing them as an easier, less stressful alternative to romance, we need to choose friends wisely and deal with the stress points that inevitably arise.

"Women have a tendency to compete with one another and many feel that they don't measure up or aren't good enough for their friends. Women also tend to expect too much from their friends," says Debbie Mandel, stress expert and life coach.

In most cases the stress can be eliminated or reduced.

"It's best to be assertive and express yourself honestly. Don't be afraid to say 'no' and by the same token, be accepting when a friend says 'no' to you," says Mandel.

But if a friend consistently makes you feel bad about yourself, criticises you or drains you emotionally, financially or mentally, then the relationship isn't just stressful -- it's toxic and requires drastic action.

Some toxic friendships can be redeemed with a little work. "Change the nature of your friendship by learning to say 'no' and setting boundaries," advises Irene S Levine, clinical psychologist and author. "Spend less time with the toxic friend or take a relationship sabbatical from the friendship."

If none of these improves the relationship, then the healthiest thing to do is end the friendship. It doesn't sound easy and it isn't -- for a variety of reasons.

"One of the characteristics of these friendships is that the good friend feels trapped," says Dr Charles Figley of the American Psychological Association. Old friends often feel trapped by the history and shared experiences of the friendship.

Guilt, too, often prevents us from making the break, particularly if the toxic friend has already alienated all their other friends. But as Levine points out, "you need to overcome the guilt of leaving. Friendships, even strong ones, come and go."

Toxic friendships also endure because the good friend enjoys feeling needed or feels unworthy of healthier, more balanced relationships.

"It's a pleaser personality," explains Figley. "You want people to like you, you want to get along, and it's hard to say no. But you pay the price by having toxic friends."

Dubliner Michelle (36) has no regrets about making the break with a toxic friend.

"It's nearly a two years since I heard from her and I can honestly say I still feel the relief every day.

"There are nights out I won't go to, if I think she'll be there. So I do miss out. But I'd happily miss everything rather than have her back in my life again.

"We'd been friends since we were kids and the friendship changed very gradually. There was no one big thing that upset me; it was just a series of small things.

"Everything always had to be on her terms. Even small things like going to the cinema -- all the arrangements had to suit her all the time. If I disagreed, there'd be a drama and it was just draining.

"And then there were the snide comments. She knew me so well that it was easy for her to cut me down with a comment -- even in company.

"I ignored all this for years. But I got less tolerant as I got older. I suppose that's the difference between being 25 and 35: you realise that you have to look after yourself and I just decided it had to stop.

"I tried to pull back and just distance myself from her -- hoping she'd get the message. But she kept ringing every day as she always had. So in the end I just said it to her out straight. It was horrendous. I'd never done anything like that in my life. But at the time I felt it was the only way to put an end to it. I know it sounds cold but I have no regrets."

Maura, a 36-year-old from Carlow, took a 'sabbatical' from her close friends two years ago.

"Taking the break wasn't a conscious decision; I just felt I needed a bit of time to myself. This was totally out of character for me, because I'd always felt that if I didn't stay in constant contact with my friends I'd lose them.

"I think I was just tired of all the effort I was putting into the friendships.

"I was just too nice -- too polite -- to people. I was always very conscious of being a good friend and not hurting anyone's feelings.

"So, say, when it came to going out or making arrangements, it honestly never occurred to me that I could say 'no' -- unless I had a very good excuse.

"Taking the break was one the best things I ever did. It gave me the time and space I needed to think -- not just about friendships, but about my life and what I wanted to do next.

"It also showed me just how loyal my friends were -- and continue to be. They understood I needed a bit of space and were happy to wait until I contacted them and just pick up where we left off. I think it was only about six weeks but it made such a difference.

"I've been vastly more contented in myself and with them ever since."

How to spot a toxic friend

The signs of a toxic friendship aren't always obvious.

Women tend to overlook, forgive and forget to keep up their friendships -- but here are Irene S Levine's tips for spotting a toxic friendship

n Does making time to see them feel like an obligation rather than a pleasure?

n Do you feel emotionally drained, trapped or tense when you're with them?

n Do you come away from them feeling depressed?

n Do you feel you're giving more than you're getting?

n Do you dread their phone calls?

n Are their emails too long to read?

n Do they often show off at your expense?

n When you talk, does it feel like they're not listening or just don't get it?

- Liz Kelleher