USA: Don't be listening to Gabriel Byrne
Top of the bejaysus to all you O'Flahertys, O'Mahonys and Obamas across there in America. We hope you are enjoying your economic revival while your poor cousins are back in the old country, being ridden like eejits by the Germans.
If you thought the Brits were tough going, you should meet this lot.
It must be five years since we set eyes on ye. Remember, we used all fly over to New York every weekend and buy up half of Macy's. Happy days.
Well, 2013 is your lucky year. Because we have decided to let you repay the old country for all she has done, such as being a complete pigsty for decades, thus encouraging you or your ancestors to emigrate to the land of milk and honey (ye jammy hoors).
We have laid on an extra special welcome for the lot of ye next year.
For instance, we have put in place a 12-month ban on laughing at Yanks, even if ye could do with losing a few pounds and your children have names like Erin and Mullingar.
Also, every town in Ireland has a programme of events that wouldn't look in the slightest way out of place in an episode of Father Ted.
The difference is that you are compensating us for staying in the old country while you went off and lived it up in America.
Finally, please don't pay any attention to Gabriel Byrne. Sure that fella hasn't made a decent movie since the Usual Suspects.
See you now lads.
Sunday Indo Living