Any day now, Mr Bertie Ahern will receive his Christmas present from Lady Eileen Paisley. This will be a published collection of her spiritual thoughts, drawn on Biblical themes, and published monthly in the Free Presbyterian magazine The Revivalist.

Bertie has been pleased to receive Lady Paisley's spiritual thoughts previously and thanked the sender most gracefully. Dermot Ahern is also a recipient, as is President Mary McAleese, and all have been most appreciative.

Eileen Paisley often takes an everyday theme -- say, a washing-machine breaking down, or something one of her grandchildren said -- and relates it to a spiritual message. One day, her seven-year-old granddaughter said: "God tells my heart good things to do, but my brain doesn't want to listen."

Lady Paisley thought that was inspirational. "In her childlike way, she was putting into words what Paul said. The things that I would, I do not, and the things that I would not, those I do. There is always a war going on inside your heart to do what's right, but sometimes you just don't do it: you do the thing you shouldn't do. But God sees our hearts and knows how we're feeling and helps us through."

Eileen Paisley has emerged in recent years as a healing presence in the whole peace process involving Northern Ireland. She seems to have a way of getting through to people -- she and Bertie Ahern struck up a friendship when they met in 2008, at the Boyne, on exactly the spot where William vanquished James in 1690.

More surprisingly, she has conducted heart-to-heart conversations with Gerry Adams.

A couple of years ago she was sitting in one of the drawing rooms at Hillsborough Castle waiting for Dr Paisley to finish discussions with some American business leaders. As in a Terence Rattigan play, Gerry Adams stepped through the French windows, entering from the garden, and asked Eileen if he could sit with her on the sofa. "Certainly," she said. "And so we sat there together and had a very good conversation. He talked about family things first of all, about his son and his grandchildren, and then we talked about spiritual things."

They had a long discussion on the theme of "salvation".

This peace process has really turned into a bit of a love-in. Lady Paisley also hasn't a bad word to say about Martin McGuinness. "He kept his word," she says, approvingly. John Hume is another person she and Dr Paisley like and respect. "John and my husband could have done great things together."

As the shoppers flow north across the border, the Paisley family frequently come south: recently, they were given a special award in Sligo to honour their contribution to peace-making. Former Taoiseach Albert Reynolds was present, as well as representatives from the whole spectrum of Irish political life.

People couldn't have been warmer, Eileen says. But then, the Paisleys never fail to receive a Céad Míle Fáilte south of the border.

Eileen Paisley is often credited with being the emollient factor in Ian Paisley's life: it is said that she, really, turned him from 'Dr No' into 'Dr Yes' (although it did take some time -- they've been married since 1956).

But she is an example of how a wife can moderate a man's views. "We talk about everything together. He would bounce ideas off me. I would sometimes say, 'no, that's not the way to do that'." Although Paisley's Presbyterianism does not favour female ministers, they value "the ministry of the home".

Eileen's own family background had a tragic side. Her parents, the Cassells, were devout Baptists. By the early 30s, they had a seven-year-old son and three younger children. Then, a dreadful epidemic of scarlet fever swept through Belfast, and the three younger children -- "a little girl of five and two wee boys" -- died. The parents were devastated, and her mother found it a severe test of her faith -- "God must be telling me something, but I don't know what it is".

Three years later, in 1934, Eileen was born, and she was greatly cherished -- even indulged -- as a preciously valued child. Two more children were born subsequently. Eileen's parents were protective -- they discouraged her from becoming a nurse or, at one point, a journalist -- but they must have given her a certain confidence in herself. She met Ian Paisley when she was a pretty brunette of 16, and by the third date they were engaged.

She has been a stalwart of the family and she dismisses a recently published tome by David Gordon, The Fall of the House of Paisley, as a mendacious attack on the Paisley clan.

Baroness Paisley (of St George's) went to the House of Lords at Westminster in 2006 -- one of the DUP's nominees -- and she loves it. She loves the style of the Lords because it is never confrontational. The ambience is the epitome of old-world manners and respect (with staff togged out in spotless white-tie livery, and addressing all members as 'My Lord' and 'My Lady').

And isn't there something to be said for such old-style manners? Because respecting other people is surely the true source of tolerance and good communication.

When we think of the tempestuous history of north-south relations in Ireland over the 20th century (let alone previously), it is no small thing to see friendship, kindness and mutual warmth flourish in cross-border relationships of the most unpredictable sort, based, essentially, on respecting each other's sincerely held beliefs and values.

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- Mary Kenny

Irish Independent