Third in the world? That's robbery, boy
Cork will struggle with bronze medal, writes Pat Fitzpatrick
Sunday November 08 2009
IF any other provincial town was named number three in the Lonely Planet Top 10 Cities in the World, the locals would be astonished and surprised. But when Cork landed the accolade last week, we expected something different. After all, here is a place which simultaneously nurtures the largest superiority complex and inferiority complex in the world.
The inferiority complex makes Cork react with: "In your face, Dublin. As for Galway, Limerick and Waterford -- in your faces too. In your face Kilkenny, ye don't even have an airport. Kerry, what good is your All Ireland now? While we're at it, in your face Paris, Berlin and New York -- ye didn't even make the top 10, ye shower of langers. And by the way, in your face Dublin again in case ye missed it the first time."
At this point, Cork's inner Roy Keane takes over and the superiority complex gets a run out. "How do you mean we're only third? How come Abu Dhabi and Charleston were named above Cork when they don't have an English Market or Shandon or a F ota Wildlife Park or a river Lee or a gay goalie? Somebody start singing The Banks, there quick."
Lonely Planet's bronze medal will cause outrage on Leeside. The hurlers will immediately go on strike in protest, bringing the footballers out with them. A task force of Ronan O'Gara, Maeve Higgins, Keano, George Hook, Derval O'Rourke, Graham Norton and Minister Micheal Martin will be convened to make sure the most beautiful city in the world will never again lag behind a place in the desert that sounds like a kebab shop on Shandon Street or an American city named after a stupid dance from the Twenties. De indignity of it, like!
- Pat Fitzpatrick
Sunday Independent
