The news that Mary Coughlan said that junkies should be given enough smack to kill themselves certainly seemed to be the words of a politician who has decided to start speaking her mind.

Had the gaffe-prone politico chosen to take up the cudgel against the societal scourge of junkie scum?

Actually, the comments were made by the other Mary Coughlan, the one who can sing.

During a TV debate, she said: "Just give it to them, like in Holland. Give them the heroin. You get your heroin, you go into the room and stare at a wall. Give it to them, let them kill themselves."

The comments have attracted the predictable howls of moral outrage from junkie advocates.

Austin Prior of the Rutland Centre condemned Coughlan saying: "It's not that they want to engage in criminal behaviour but their addiction makes them highly compulsive and it takes over their moral judgment."

So, the next time a junkie -- sorry, that phrase is now seen as 'offensive' -- the next time someone who is 'chemically challenged' takes a syringe of their blood to your neck and wants your wallet and phone, just remember they're not enjoying themselves.

Which will surely be some consolation for you.

Well, he kept a tight back four

We all know that children are inherently stupid, and it would seem that British kids are thicker than average.

And, before you start squealing with fury and running off the Press Council complaining about anti-British racism, have a gander at the latest survey to emerge from that country's schools.

Apparently, one in 20 British school kids thinks that Adolf Hitler is the German national football coach. They also think that Auschwitz is a theme park and the Blitz was actually a clean-up operation carried out after the war.

One disappointed veteran of World World II said: "This is very sad. After all, the children are our future."

So, kids don't know who Hitler was and veterans of the Second World War quote Whitney Houston lyrics during interviews.

And they wonder why their country is going down the tubes?

Is there anybody out there?

Do you believe in psychics?

Well, no offence, but if you do then you're an idiot. After all, in this day and age, we expect most mature adults to see such jiggery pokery for what it is -- the exploitation of stupid people for financial gain.

And while this column has no problem with such economic Darwinism, one would be forgiven for presuming cop-pers would be too hard-headed and logical to fall for such guff.

But not the West Wales police force -- who have just spent £20,000 on a wild goose chase.

After a man committed suicide in his bedsit, the police thought that it was an open and shut case -- until a psychic got in touch with them to say that the ghost of Carlos Assaf had been in touch to say that he had been strangled by gangsters.

And, amongst the clues given by the psychics were the words 'lion', 'horse' and 'fox.'

So what did the rozzers do?

Well, they searched every pub in West Wales which had 'lion', 'horse' or 'fox' in their name.

That wasn't a 20-grand investigation -- that was a 20-grand pub crawl.

Good excuse to go on the piss, though, you have to give them that.

The bravest film-maker in the world? Not really

A film critic of this column's acquaintance was rather dismissive after the press screening of 2012 last Thursday.

How did the much awaited end-of-the-world flick hold up?

"Well, it was basically two and a half hours of shit being blown up" was the considered response -- and he meant that in a good way.

Yup, say what you like about the ability or otherwise of director Roland Emmerich, the man certainly has a knack for "blowing the shit out of things", as seen in previous flicks like Godzilla, The Day After Tomorrow and the brilliantly cheesy Independence Day.

And, in 2012, we see John Cusack watching helplessly as the famous Mayan apocalyptic prophecy springs into action.

As we have come to expect from Emmerich, the set pieces are quite breathtaking -- the White House gets crushed by the aircraft carrier John F Kennedy which is brought inland by a giant tsunami; the Christ the Redeemer statue in Rio is spectacularly destroyed, and Rome is particularly hard hit with the Vatican being crushed and then the Basilica collapses in on the fearful faithful who are praying for salvation.

In fact, nearly every cultural and religious icon in the world is destroyed in this $200m epic -- except one.

Yup, after consultation, Emmerich decided not to destroy Mecca because, as he puts it: "I was told that if we included the destruction of Mecca, as we originally intended, then a fatwa would be placed on my head. So obviously we decided against including it."

The move has been welcomed by some Muslim groups who have said the cop-out showed "sensitivity to the feelings of Muslims."

So, you can destroy the Vatican, kill the Pope, crush Christ the Redeemer, but don't touch Mecca or you'll be killed.

Um, is there a Catholic word for 'fatwa'?

More freebies

It has proved to be a hit with radio listeners, and now satirical sketch show The Emergency is hitting the road.

The award-winning troupe, featuring the likes of Dermot Carmody and Morgan Jones, is appearing in Dublin's Laughter Lounge this Wednesday night and ISpy has stolen five sets of tickets for the show.

Just email your name to the addy above. First five get the tickets.

Essential sounds

After the rancorous break-up of Jane's Addiction, the mad but extremely talented Perry Farrell formed Porno For Pyros, which became one of the most interesting American indie acts of the 1990s. Check out their 1993 eponymous debut which contains the stone cold classic, 'Pets'.

Irish Independent