A toy-train company bidding to run the west coast mainline. The rise of dinosaur erotica. Cameron and Obama taking a selfie at Mandela’s funeral. And Miley. Dear, sweet, bizarrely ridiculous Miley. It really has been the most absurd year – so how better to end 2013 than to look back at its most ludicrous moments…
50. Web: That loving filling
In September, one loving girlfriend in America acceded to her man's request that she make him 300 sandwiches – in return for a possible wedding ring. She blogged about it. The world retched, and a #300feminist sandwiches hashtag was born. "What a crock, monsieur," said one wag.
49. Politics: Poker face
The war in Syria is complex, with different factions holding different cards. Senator John McCain – a long-time advocate of arming the rebels – would approve this metaphor; he was caught playing poker on his phone during a three-hour Congressional debate on whether to bomb the Assad regime.
48. Fashion: Swing your pants!
Fundawear was launched in April: it's vibrating sex underwear (read again carefully, and shake head). Specifically, it's bra and pants for her, pants for him, each with built-in buzzers – add a couple of smartphones with the proprietary app uploaded, and wahey, you've got a revolting night of passion at your fingertips. Thanks for this, Durex.
47. News: Ding Jinhao was here!
Where? In Luxor, at the temple complex. How do we know? Because the 15-year-old only went and signed his name on a 3,500-year-old wall, posted a picture of his tag on the Sina Weibo microblogging site, and was promptly berated by 100,000 commenters. He has been grounded until the Pyramids crumble.
46. Celebrity: Fashion faithful
Perhaps it was a bit daft of Rihanna to stage an impromptu photoshoot at a major mosque in Abu Dhabi, but once all the fuss died down, it became apparent just how amazing she looks with a few clothes on.
45. Politics: Funking for justice
There's the English Defence League. And there's English Disco Lovers – the charming movement established by four friends with the motto "One World, One Race, One Disco" – to reclaim, as they saw it, the acronym EDL. "By subverting [the English Defence League's] hatred with humour, we aim to promote equality, respect and the Eutopian vision of disco!" Result? English Defence League Facebook likes: fewer than 25,000; English Disco League: more than 60,000!
44. Culture: We are not amused!
In modelling, your body is your biggest asset. So the decision of Cara Delevingne, fashion's current favourite face, to very visibly ink one of her fingers with a snarling lion feels slightly foolish. I imagine she'll be regretting that in 20 years. Or maybe just wearing lots of cocktail rings.