A toy-train company bidding to run the west coast mainline. The rise of dinosaur erotica. Cameron and Obama taking a selfie at Mandela’s funeral. And Miley. Dear, sweet, bizarrely ridiculous Miley. It really has been the most absurd year – so how better to end 2013 than to look back at its most ludicrous moments…
50. Web: That loving filling
In September, one loving girlfriend in America acceded to her man's request that she make him 300 sandwiches – in return for a possible wedding ring. She blogged about it. The world retched, and a #300feminist sandwiches hashtag was born. "What a crock, monsieur," said one wag.
49. Politics: Poker face
The war in Syria is complex, with different factions holding different cards. Senator John McCain – a long-time advocate of arming the rebels – would approve this metaphor; he was caught playing poker on his phone during a three-hour Congressional debate on whether to bomb the Assad regime.
48. Fashion: Swing your pants!
Fundawear was launched in April: it's vibrating sex underwear (read again carefully, and shake head). Specifically, it's bra and pants for her, pants for him, each with built-in buzzers – add a couple of smartphones with the proprietary app uploaded, and wahey, you've got a revolting night of passion at your fingertips. Thanks for this, Durex.
47. News: Ding Jinhao was here!
Where? In Luxor, at the temple complex. How do we know? Because the 15-year-old only went and signed his name on a 3,500-year-old wall, posted a picture of his tag on the Sina Weibo microblogging site, and was promptly berated by 100,000 commenters. He has been grounded until the Pyramids crumble.
46. Celebrity: Fashion faithful
Perhaps it was a bit daft of Rihanna to stage an impromptu photoshoot at a major mosque in Abu Dhabi, but once all the fuss died down, it became apparent just how amazing she looks with a few clothes on.
45. Politics: Funking for justice
It must have been quite a shock for the busking samba band when Helen Mirren, in full tiara'n'twinset mode from playing HRH in 'The Audience' at the Gielgud theatre, stormed on to the street and told them in a stream of rude words to shut up. The very loud drummers had positioned themselves outside the theatre, interrupting the performance – until Mirren confronted them mid-show. She later apologised for using 'thespian words' and giving them a 'very stern royal ticking off'.
43. Fashion: Delevingne's dodgy digit
In modelling, your body is your biggest asset. So the decision of Cara Delevingne, fashion's current favourite face, to very visibly ink one of her fingers with a snarling lion feels slightly foolish. I imagine she'll be regretting that in 20 years. Or maybe just wearing lots of cocktail rings.